Hilariously Real Reasons Parents Want a Day Off From Childcare
May 30, 2019
A mom on Reddit recently posed a big question: “What was the worst thing your kids ever did that made you momentarily wish you didn't have kids?”
The mom, under the username RatigatorStew, told stories of her kids making her wish for her childless days–currently one is in the throws of the terrible twos and the other is going through puberty. AKA, temper tantrums and awkwardness galore.
“Oh man, gotta love the lack of filter on kids,” she wrote. “My favorite time was when this big, mean lady bent over in front of my son and he said, 'You need to pull up your pants! I can see your whole butt and that's inappropriate!' I thought I would die!”
Truly, children have no ability to censor themselves. The comments poured in from parents with similarly mortifying experiences.
“Once at the mall my then-two-year-old saw a very old woman shuffling by with her sunken eyes and pinched skin and got very excited, yelling 'A zombie! Look mama, that's a zombie!'” user LJGHunter shared. “I tried so hard not to laugh but I completely failed.”
User scabbymonkey described an interaction with a neighbor on the first day living in a new house. “My 4-year-old daughter came outside buck naked and came up to the lady and yelled 'watch this!' and proceeded to pee as hard as she could to make a 'fountain.'”
There’s also the nearly inevitable destruction of the home.
“My kids, then 4 and 5, decided they didn't like the new decor in the living room,” wrote user Cariadmawr. “Carpet, furniture, curtains, walls and ceiling were 'redecorated' with pink paint in the space of 15 minutes.”
User tattedbabe’s 7-year-old son did some major electrical damage. “He discovered my wireless hot glue gun from my craft room. I was using it that afternoon and stopped to make dinner. I didn't shut off the gun,” the mom posted. “Turns out my son took it and hot glued all the electrical outlets he could find. I mean, ALL of them.”
MuddButta told the story of kids getting a little wild with a wallet. “One time, they decided it would be fun to play in the bathroom. It just so happened that I left my wallet in a pair of pants on the floor,” she wrote. “They flushed about $400 down the toilet.”
Those adorable little ones can be downright disgusting.
“My son painted with poop, sunscreen, and butt paste during his 'nap' instead of sleeping,” wrote truemyth11. “To his defense, he did try to clean it up with the wipes of which he had completely pulled all of them out of the package, but then shoved poop/cream mixtures wipes back into the package and for whatever reason also shoved them into weird crevices around his room.”
It's all poop, all the time.
“One morning I woke up to the worst horror. The younger one managed to climb into the older one’s crib and then they proceeded to strip each other naked and paint each other, and what they could of the crib and room, in each other’s shit,” Reddit user redneck_lezbo wrote. “Seeing them both standing there grinning gave the phrase ‘shit eating grin’ a whole new meaning.”
To be honest, there’s no explaining some of the stuff they do. Redditter ibrakeforsquirrels commented, “My kids buttered our dog. You ever try to catch a freshly buttered chihuahua?”
We can’t say that we have. But honestly, sometimes it seems like kids know they’re dishing out utter mayhem. Take user Thinkingaboutstuff2’s story: “My 4-year-old son asked an obviously pregnant woman if there was 'a baby in there.' When she responded in the affirmative, he shouted "Sucker!"
Oh yeah, they know.