A mom took to Reddit to share all of the expectations she had about pregnancy, birth, and motherhood that didn't come to fruition—and why that's okay.
newborn baby on mom lap
Credit: Natalia Deriabina/Shutterstock

March 28, 2019

Even before you're expecting, you'll hear from parents that your expectations around pregnancy and motherhood rarely line up with reality. From your prenatal workout to your birth plan to the way you'll feed or sleep with your L.O., you quickly learn that going with the flow beats trying to stick to what you thought you'd do. A mom in the Beyond the Bump subreddit recently summed this wake-up call in a post entitled, "Goodbye to the mom I thought I would be."

Noting that she's now six months postpartum, she explained that she thought she'd eat a "strict organic vegan diet" during her pregnancy. Instead, she "went back to eating meat, shoveled family size bags of Doritos in my face and made urgent 2am runs to 7/11 for a half gallon of Slurpee." She thought she'd have a fit pregnancy, but she "didn’t workout for 39 weeks and thought the week of walking at the end would make a difference to get the baby out." She thought she'd "tough it out with nitrous and turn down the epidural," but she took it as soon as it was offered.

After welcoming her L.O., things didn't exactly play out as she had anticipated either. "I thought I would be good at breastfeeding immediately," she wrote. "We exclusively pumped and bottle fed for the first two months because breastfeeding was so damn hard to figure out. I thought I would cloth diaper. We buy disposables. I thought as a SAHM my house would always be clean. My laundry room has almost all of our clothes clean right now, exactly none of them folded. Good luck finding two socks in laundry mountain. I thought I would put effort into my appearance for my husband. My average daily ensemble is flannel pj pants, no bra, and a t shirt with breastmilk and/or spit up stains on it. There is now an acceptable amount of spit up before I will change. Hairstyle- the 'I didn’t look in a mirror when I put my hair up' ponytail. He tells me I'm beautiful anyways." 

She also thought she'd never bedshare, but her daughter sleeps in her bed, because "it is the only way we don’t wake up six times a night," and she thought she'd make homemade baby food, but her daughter eats Gerber. 

Her social life and child care situation aren't what she envisioned, either. "I thought I would find mom friends. I currently have the least amount of friends that I have had at any point in my life," she confesses. "I thought I didn’t need my family’s help. I called my mother in tears at 4 weeks to come help."

She concluded, "I’m not the mom I thought I would be, but I have quit holding myself up to that standard. I have a happy six month old and that is the standard by which I now judge myself as a mother. Not how she got here, what we eat, the clothes on our bodies or how we sleep." 

The post is wracking up tons of supportive comments, totaling nearly 200 since it was posted early on Thursday, March 28. 

"Way to go! It takes a lot to get to the point of realizing what's important ((baby's health and your sanity)). Since pregnancy, I pretty much always preface things about future-me with 'I reserve the right to change my mind, but...' I feel like it allows me to have goals while also avoiding feeling like a failure when I realize past-me was a fool