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"I have a large gag reflex so just imagining what they would be describing would affect me."

By Melissa Mills
March 29, 2021
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Forget everything you've seen on Reddit before. This new thread—wherein a 35-year-old dad-to-be refuses to sit in on his pregnant wife's breastfeeding class—on the Am I the A**hole (AITA) subreddit takes the cake. No, really, get ready to see red.

"My wife (36F) and I (35M) have been married for 3 years, but together since we were 21 and 22," the expectant father, u/ThrowawayUsua-7898, started off. "She is a couple months pregnant. Ever since she got pregnant it was like she went from how she's always been since she was 22, fun, energetic, ambitious, and spontaneous, to the personality of a stereotypical person in a nursing home. It seems we cannot have any regular adult conversation because increasingly, all she's been doing is reading very detailed books about the birthing process and discussing the contents of the book makes for extremely graphic imagery."

As someone who's currently 35 weeks pregnant, let me be the first to say: Are you serious, dude?! A pregnant person trying to learn more about what's happening to their body and what to expect when the baby arrives? Unheard of. (Insert eye roll here.) And you're not going to believe this, but as lovely as this whole situation starts off, it somehow gets worse.

"So my wife signed up for the online version of our local hospital's breast feeding class," the Reddit dad-to-be continued. "She started twisting my arm in terms of being there when one of her mom friends said her husband was going to be there. I told her that I was sure he was the only one because I can't imagine how weird and awkward it would be for a bunch of men to be there talking about breasts and the detailed, gory functions of it in front of a bunch of women."

An image of a man disgusted on a colorful background.
Credit: Getty Images. Art: Jillian Sellers.

When it became clear that just about every pregnant person had someone joining them for the class—to, you know, learn how to support their partner through the breastfeeding and/or pumping journey that's to come—this Redditor's wife got mad, and rightly so.

"I told her once again the thought of it already made me feel like it was gory and just talking about what would [be] talked about is just inappropriate to me and I have a large gag reflex so just imagining what they would be describing would affect me," he wrote. "I don't get why I needed a class learning about how her breast lactates when I wasn't the one pumping and could support her from afar."

Sounds like the only thing inappropriate here is this guy's reaction. If he thinks this is the gross or hard part about parenting, just wait for childbirth, diaper blowouts, stomach bugs, and potty training.

That's why it's no surprise that Redditors went off in the comments when u/ThrowawayUsua-7898 questioned, "AITA for thinking a practically public lesson about breasts fluids and function is awkward and not something I need to be a part of to be supportive?"

"He's immature and shallow, as well as resentful," one commenter wrote. "He bemoans that his wife no longer acts like an energetic 22 year old, whines that she doesn't want to do staycations or go to the mall to buy things. He refers to everything having to do with her body's nonsexual functions as 'gory.' Continue to disrespect your wife, OP, and you'll find out how much fun and spontaneous life can be when you're paying child support and alimony."

And, yes, labor and delivery are a lot. Even the strongest of dads have been brought to their knees in the delivery room—and let's not downplay what the actual pregnant person has to go through! But it's one thing to be a nervous or squeamish parent-to-be, anxious and overwhelmed about what's to come, but it's another to shut out anything that makes you slightly uncomfortable. It's just not an option to be anything less than supportive of your partner—and child—during pregnancy and in parenthood.

"Support from your partner is so powerful to establish breastfeeding," another Redditor wrote. "They need to make sure you're drinking enough water, can help with positioning, can help with talking you through the first part (which can hurt, btw—cracked nipples are no joke). OP would know this if he did any prep for parenthood."

Just wait until the baby's born. This guy's in for a big surprise.

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