Amy Schumer basically brings us into the bathroom with her.

By Kelly Corbett
Tinseltown/Shutterstock

February 8, 2019

In October, Amy Schumer broke the news she was expecting a baby with husband Chris Fischer via Instagram. Her pregnancy announcement took a different approach than most. For starters, it was her friend Jessica Yellin of News Not Noise that actually announced the pregnancy via Instagram Stories—not Amy. But on Amy's account, she did post a picture alluding to the pregnancy, except that she was not in the picture, nor was Chris. Instead it was picture of Meghan Markle and Prince Harry, with Amy and Chris' face photoshopped onto their bodies. Uhhh...

It turns out Amy was a little peeved at the Duchess of Sussex, and even went so far as to call Meghan Markle her nemesis, according to InStyle. Her reasoning: “because she’s pregnant at the same time as me, and [I'm] not going to let her get away with that."

Anyway, we should have known that Amy's pregnancy journey would not consist of her prancing through flowery meadows, cradling her magical womb, and an epic gender reveal surprise. That's not Amy's vibe, and that's OK. We're here for all pregnancy journies. Instead, Amy has chronicled details about her pregnancy that we often don't talk about—the gory ones, that aren't as fun. Let's check it out!

 

It started out cute.

Amy shows off her soon-to-be blossoming bump. So far, the pregnancy is going well—thumbs up all around.

Six days after announcing her pregnancy, disaster strikes.

First trimester has Amy's face smack down in the middle of a dish. One Instagram commenter asked her if she was the "gluttony corpse from the movie 'Seven?'" While we're unsure if she was just fufilling her pregnancy cravings or just got a little tired during dinner, clearly she's not having a good time.

Now Amy is flaunting her bump through the streets, and has suited up in maternity gear.

Unlinke her nemesis Meghan Markle, Amy isn't here to dress for her bump, or for the paprazzi (see Meghan's best bump fashion here). She's here to dress for herself. It's not about fancy photo shoots with her bump, or being a maternity trendsetter—it's about being cozy in maternity sweats.

"Very lucky to be pregnant but this is some bullsh*t."

Yikes! Amy is hospitalized and forced to cancel some shows due to Hyperemesis Gravidarum, a rare pregnancy condition marked by extreme nausea and vomiting. We're talking nonstop vomiting (!!!), severe dehydration, and nausea that's so debilitating it's dangerous.

Amy Schumer throws up on the internet!

More shows are cancelled—poor Amy! Although these posts aren't the most picturesque, she sheds a light on a pregnancy condition that's often underestimated and captures the severity of it! 

Encore vomitting performance!

Get it all out, girl.

She pokes more fun at Meghan Markle, her nemesis.

Amy told Instyle “so maybe I’m feeling competitive, like, ‘Oh, Meghan looks better than me and she has a tiny small bump and she’s wearing high heels, and I already look 10 months pregnant and I’ve been wearing flats for the last four years.'”

 

Amy is over her pregnancy constipation.

Pregnancy constipation affects 72 percent of pregnant women, and Amy is just really stinking proud she finally got to poo.

Amy is out of the bathroom and at the beach!

Amy teases that she's on Baywatch! Forget about having a mermaid maternity shoot on the beach, this mom-to-be is just proud she's not yakking her brains out right now. We love that she is embracing her pregnancy curves!

Amy has entered her third trimester.

Amy has entered the third trimester and has called herself a whale. Conveniently, she found a fake whale to pose in front of, too. She also notes that she can't see her vagina. TBH, she makes a good point—you ever miss that thing? 

Time for cake!

Amy finally gets to eat some cake celebrating her baby, and it's a vagina butt cake giving birth to a Cabbage Patch Kid. Peep the frosting butthole!

Amy takes a glucose tolerance test.

Amy drinks gross exilir to detect if she has gestational diabetes. Glucose screening, typically done in between week 24 and 28 of pregnancy, is crucial to detecting the often-symptomless pregnancy complication—but definitely not a fun drink to down.

With a due date of Spring 2019, it's likely there's more for Amy to share of her pregnancy journey. Stay tuned!

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