TikTok Mom Shares Why She's Teaching Her 5 Daughters That Virginity Isn't Real—And Experts See Her Point

The South Carolina mom says virginity is a "patriarchal concept used to control women and serves no purpose other than making women feel bad about ourselves."

When it comes to teaching kids about sex, every parent has their own approach. One parent, a 40-year-old mom from Charleston, South Carolina, went viral on TikTok for sharing hers.

Cayce LaCorte, who posts on the app under @book_mama, replied to a post shared by parent influencer Nevada Shareef, in which Shareef asked other parents to name something about the way they raise their kids that people think is weird but they think is healthy. And LaCorte shared that she's teaching her five daughters, who range in age from 7 to 16, that there's no such thing as virginity.

In the clip, which has been viewed over 2 million times, LaCorte shared that it's a "patriarchal concept used to control women and serves no purpose—other than making women feel bad about ourselves." LaCorte says that "some guy randomly stick[ing] his penis in you at some point in your life" doesn't change your worth or who you are. Not to mention that sex doesn't even have to involve a penis.

That's not to say that the parent of five doesn't see sex as important. "It's a big deal," noted LaCorte. "It should always be a big deal. It has nothing to do with your first time…it's just ridiculous. The whole concept is ridiculous."

The viral creator acknowledged that plenty of parents disagree. "I get a lot of crap from other moms saying, 'Oh well, do you think that will make your daughters promiscuous? Don't you think?'" she shared. LaCorte's response: She's raising their kids "to be good people and have solid foundations…and make smart, intelligent choices."

So, what do LaCorte's kids think of this advice? "They are so sick and tired of hearing me talk. It's typical teenager stuff," she tells Parents. It's not about trying to be the "cool mom," LaCorte clarifies. "I'm actually pretty strict, but they've shown me they feel comfortable coming to me with questions about sexuality and their bodies, so I think we're on the right track."

Experts are on the South Carolina parent's side. Anne Hodder-Shipp, certified sex educator and founder of Everyone Deserves Sex Ed, says LaCorte's take is correct.

An image of a mom on a couch with her two daughters.
Getty Images.

"There is no medical or scientific 'diagnosis' or definition of virginity, and it's purely a social construct, meaning it's something that's widely believed to be true and factual but really is something based on personal values and belief systems," Hodder-Shipp tells Parents.

"Teaching young people the truth about sex—including the truth behind various constructs like virginity—is important, as it gives them accurate information with which to base their decisions and helps them grow into informed, confident, and self-aware adults," she says. "Young people deserve the truth from the adults in their lives, even though that truth might feel uncomfortable or challenging to give."

Hodder-Shipp's argument is research-backed, too. One review from Montclair State University found that comprehensive sex education should start in elementary school, as it could lead to better outcomes for kids, including appreciation of sexual diversity, dating, and intimate partner violence prevention, development of healthy relationships, prevention of child sex abuse, improved social/emotional learning, and increased media literacy.

It seems that approach would naturally go hand-in-hand with what LaCorte told Buzzfeed should replace talk of virginity: "How about, instead of making the first time special, make sure it's always special because that's the bare minimum you deserve."

The parent's powerful statement has been met with a round of applause from young parents with whom the take resonated, as well as sexual assault survivors.

"We all have our own 'rape/assault/pressured into doing something I didn't want' story," LaCorte told Buzzfeed. "We can all empathize. For an entire society to tell you that your worth is tied to your virginity or purity, then have someone take that from you?! It's heartbreaking and infuriating and makes me want to smash things. We are so f***ing angry about all of this, and if I can make a single survivor feel better about themselves, then I've already succeeded."

LaCorte also noted that the core message isn't just about virginity. LaCorte believes it's about "the way we force arbitrary rules on ourselves and our kids and miss the big picture." Instead, we should focus on educating people about pregnancy, STIs, and self-worth.

LaCorte tells Parents that ultimately, the hope is that people raising kids can realize that the issue at hand is about much more than virginity. "It's how we communicate with our children and each other. It's about having these conversations and letting our kids know that they can come to us for guidance and reassurance."

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