Mom Takes Herself on Solo Vacation When Dad Wouldn't Help Around the House
Sick of being saddled with all of the domestic duties and child care, a mom shared how she dropped her son at her mom's and took a trip to the cabin by herself.
As the pandemic continues to exacerbate existing problems for parents, more women are rebelling and speaking out against an unequal division of labor in their homes. A mom on Reddit recently shared that she took a vacation without her husband, leaving him with "every single house duty there is for four days."
The original poster (OP) shared that she and her spouse have been together for eight years, married for 15 months, and they have a 4-year-old son together. The OP works from home and her husband works until 1 a.m., often stays up until 3 or 4 a.m. to "unwind," and then sleeps until he leaves for work.
Her husband spends time with her and their son on his days off, but she explained that "as time goes on, he does less and less around the house." Previously, she says, he would make an effort on his days off, cooking, cleaning, and taking care of their son. But now, she says she is essentially on her own.
She explained that two weeks prior to writing her post, she asked her husband for some help. But she says he only helped for about 30 minutes before going to meet a friend.
"I needed a break. I told him this," she wrote. "His way of comforting me was by hugging me and saying, 'You're doing such a good job.' Didn't offer to help or anything."
That's when the OP made a plan. She asked her mom to take her son for four days and planned a vacation for herself. She dropped her son off at her mom's and headed to their cabin—without a word to her husband. He later texted asking where she was, she explained. "He then started going off about how this is selfish of me and that if he had realized I wasn't merely stressed out that he would have helped out more."
The OP's husband said he has also been stressed out and tired and could have also used a vacation. And he blamed her lack of communicating the issue, she said. "But the thing is, I straight out told him I needed a break. I asked him for help," wrote the mom. "He disregarded it all."
She then turned it over to the Reddit community to ask if she was truly in the wrong.
Overwhelmingly, commenters supported the OP—and many shared similar experiences. U/ToTwoTooToo wrote, "Does husband not have eyes? Can he not see what needs to be cleaned, tidied, or cooked? Does he not know his child's needs? If he didn't before, maybe his 'four day vacation' without a child to care for or a wife to clean up after him opened his eyes."
U/broadElderberry added, "She said she needed a break. What about that is unclear?! My S.O. can be the same way. I'll say, 'My back hurts from shoveling snow,' and he'll want to go walk around the mall for hours. I'll say, 'I'm overwhelmed from doing so much around the house,' and he'll give me the same 'you're doing great.' And then when I finally have a break down, it's, 'I didn't know it was so bad, you didn't tell me!' No. We tell you. We just don't make a Broadway production out of it, so you use that to pretend that it's 'not so bad.'"
And u/sleeplessMom even summed the situation up with a hypothetical script: "I imagine conversations OP has go like this: OP: I need help cleaning. H: Ok OP: Why aren't you helping? H: You didn't tell me what I had to do! OP: *singing Hamilton* 'Look around, look around!' This may or may not be from personal experience."
The bottom line is that the OP is absolutely not alone. According to the Pew Research Center, in 2019, 49 percent of married and cohabiting men were "very satisfied with the way household chores are divided between them and their spouse or partner," while only 39 percent of women said the same. Fast-forward to COVID times, and that gap has widened significantly to 55 percent of men vs. 38 percent of women.
From Reddit to viral music videos, that dissatisfaction among women is showing up just about everywhere right now. Here's hoping that using their voices and making bold moves will lead to their partners seeing the light and stepping up.