Mom Declares She's 'Done' Doing the Parent Thing After Gross Ice Cream Cone Incident
When Sidney Anderson, the mom behind the Facebook page Someone Hold My Beer, explained the bizarre and disgusting thing her 4-year-old daughter did with an ice cream cone, other parents commiserated.
As patient and understanding as parents might aim to be, kids will test them on both of those things fairly often—sometimes in ways that are downright horrifying. Sidney Anderson, the Milledgeville, Georgia mom who's behind the Facebook page Someone Hold My Beer, recently shared a gross-out tale that perfectly illustrates this reality.
Anderson took to the group's page on August 12 to declare, "Y’ALL!!!! I am DONE with these kids!! I learned a hard lesson today...one I wasn’t prepared for and I feel like I’ve been through a trauma! I need prayer!"
Anderson went on to explain that she got her daughter an ice cream cone from McDonald's. "Well, she walks into the living room and hands me her cone (half eaten like everything I give her), and I know all you moms have been there," she wrote. "We as moms pretty much live off of the food our kids don’t eat so I licked it before it dripped."
That's when she said she noticed her daughter was looking at her with a suspicious straight face. "I ask her: 'What’s wrong?' And she says: 'Is it okay?! At this point I’m scared, because I don’t know what just happened. I think maybe she dropped it in her room and was scared to say. We stand there looking at each other and the ice cream cone."
Steel yourself for what is about to come next ... "And this fool says: 'I accidentally wiped my butt with it,'" Anderson shared. "Excuse me?!! With this ice cream cone I just licked?! Wtf!! I am coming unglued...so I ask this child, 'How do you accidentally wipe your butt with an ice cream and WHY did you give it to me to eat????'"
Blakely then looked her mom dead in her face "and says, 'I used the wrong hand to wipe but it was just pee, Mommy.'" Anderson concluded: "DONE! Someone come get these kids. I cannot even handle it. If y’all need me I’ll be washing my mouth out with Clorox."
The post has since wracked up 285K shares, 187K comments, and 233K reactions—understandably. Some parents were surprised that Anderson hadn't already learned her lesson about eating her kid's leftovers. Mandie Watt responded, "You have kids, haven’t you learned the trick to make them think you’re eating it? Never, I repeat, NEVER eat food kids give you. We all know something happened."
Others noted how they had been there in their own ways. Amber-Little Feather Anderson commented, "Omg I am so sorry!!! But that's hilarious! Prayers mama... Mine ate my contacts, broke my glasses, flooded the daycare bathroom, flooded the bathroom floor, cut each others hair, cut open a foam ball lightening McQueen pillow, found my 24 pack of glitter all opened in their closet. Yes, mama. I feel your pain!!! Hugs!"
Debbie Morris shared, "My niece peed in her tricycle basket, reach[ed] in said, 'Yay, water.' My fiancé said now you haven’t had any water! At that moment, she wipes her hands on his arm as he’s looking in the basket to see it wasn’t clear, then she says 'I peed in it.' I about died."
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Reannon Allison shared, "The other day, my 5-year-old handed his dad some marshmallows, and Dad popped them in his mouth... Then, my son said, 'Hahahahah, I put my balls on those.' I freaking lost it! I couldn't hold it in!"
Those don't even skim the surface of the bevy of stomach-churning stories commenters were inspired to share.
It seems like most would agree there's only one thing that experiences like this are good for—in addition to the laughter that will come once the utter horror passes—and that's being able to say "lesson learned."