Mom Asks if She's Wrong for Not Letting Husband Go On Bachelor Party Trip
All too many parents of newborns lack that village they say it takes to raise a family. But if you're attached to the partner with whom you had the baby, you can pretty much guarantee you'll be a team through some of the toughest moments. That's what a mom of a 6-week-old on Reddit seemed to have in mind when she told her husband that he couldn't go to a friend's three-day bachelor party a la The Hangover in Vegas.
Writing under the handle r/notagoodtimethrow, the original poster (OP) explained that her husband's friend was paying for an entire villa suite so the only thing the attendees would need to shell out for would be the airfare and spending cash.
"When my husband told me about it he was so excited as he's never been to Vegas and this seemed like the perfect trip since his friend was covering a huge expense," wrote the OP. "However, we have two young kids at home, a 3-year old and a 6-week newborn. The trip is in six weeks, and my husband's friend wants for sure answers on who is going by the end of this week so he can finalize reservations."
The OP explained that she told her husband she doesn't want him to go, because she needs his help at home. "I do not think I can handle the needs of both kids by myself," she shared. "Neither of us has family nearby, and I'm pretty much estranged from all of my family anyway. The only real option we have for help is his mom and she lives 3,000 miles away. He offered to pay for her to come stay to help, but I told him we can't afford it, which he should know."
She's also upset that her partner thought they had the money to pay for the trip. "We have two kids, we shouldn't be spending our money on gambling party trips," wrote r/notagoodtimethrow. "I pretty much put my foot down and told my husband he can't go and that there is nothing he can do to convince me that he should or that it's even an idea worth entertaining."
Now, after what sounds like a lot of back and forth, the OP's husband is calling her a "controlling jerk" who's "depriving him of a once-in-a-lifetime trip."
"He told me that he hopes I remember this when there's something that I really want to do, because he would never deprive me of an experience like this," noted the OP. "He did finally tell his friend he can't go, but now he is barely talking to me, and pretty much only about things related to the kids. I can't even understand why he thought going would be a good idea, but am I the ass**** here?"
The comments blew up with people supporting the OP and others empathically saying she's wrong. r/moondoggie1960 wrote, "Sounds like you're dictating terms, not discussing them ... no wonder he's barely speaking to you ... what's the point of dialogue with someone whose mind is already made up, about everything."
r/SourSkittlezx took the opposite point of view, writing, "He is being completely selfish and unreasonable. I have a two-month-old baby and two school-aged kids. My husband and I have each taken a break for a few hours on weekends, but a whole trip for multiple days? That's crazy and unfair on the other parent. OP would be completely by herself for multiple days, plus the money isn't in the budget, meaning that they would likely have to use emergency funds or other savings, or even require OP to go without things to subsidize his trip."
r/Fantastic-Might-3275 added, "OP is literally still in MEDICAL RECOVERY from giving birth!!!!! Her husband shouldn't even be THINKING about leaving his partner alone with two children for a week when she's made clear she doesn't feel comfortable taking care of them alone right now while she has no other help. He is their FATHER and they are his responsibility. he doesn't just get to go to Vegas because he feels like he doesn't want to be responsible for them."
And r/sandtigers noted that COVID throws a whole other wrench in the situation: "Don't forget he wants to go to VEGAS during a PANDEMIC when he would be coming back to a 12-week-old and 3 year old. It's entirely likely the three days would turn into 14 days of quarantine away from the kids."
But r/hellocloudshellosky offered a different perspective, writing, "As someone who single parented kids born 17 months apart, even when they were infants—with zero family—I feel you, but if it's not too late I gently urge you to reconsider for the sake of your marriage. You'll make it through three nights, even if it will be damn hard, and he'll take over when he gets back, eternally grateful to you. No, it isn't fair that he gets a break while you do double the work and lose twice the sleep. But showing him you can do it and will go through it for him will strengthen your marriage at a time that sounds like you guys are disconnected. It doesn't really sound like it's about the money, unless he has a history of irresponsible solo spending? Let him go, and expect to be the Goddess thereafter."
r/PrscheWdow voted that both the OP and husband are being unreasonable. "This isn't 'just' about Vegas, there's a lot more going on beneath the surface, on both sides. OP sucks because she is being very dictatorial, but husband also sucks because he's prioritizing a buddy trip over his family, and even though things aren't what they used to be, it's also probably not the best idea in the world to go to a place like Vegas when you've got two very young children at home that can't be immunized for COVID yet."
Ultimately, communication issues seem to be at the root of the issue. While voters on the subreddit might all have their own opinions, it sounds like this is about much more than the bachelor party itself, and the OP and her husband would do well to talk through a whole range of other, underlying tensions.
The bottom line, as summed up by r/LittleRed-BrickHouse, "You need couples counseling, not Reddit's approval. Seriously, big stuff here. This is bigger than a trip."