'Hot Mess Mom' Says She Feels Like She's Constantly Failing & Other Parents Can Relate
March 26, 2019
Sia Cooper, a certified personal trainer and blogger who writes on Diary of a Fit Mommy, has always been honest with her followers about her adventures in pregnancy and motherhood. Last year, she got real about being a "bad mom" for drinking wine, working out in Target, having piercings and tattoos, and caring about her looks and health. Back in 2016, she got tongues wagging by sharing her hardcore workouts and having six-pack abs while pregnant. Now, Cooper is making headlines for getting candid about being a "hot mess mom."
The mom of two took to Instagram on Sunday, March 24 to share: "Hi, I’m Sia and I’m a Hot Mess Mom." She wondered, "What is up with this crazy idea that moms have to be made up, have a spotless house, have dinner on the table at 5pm, and raise well behaved, organically fed kids? Because of this unrealistic stigma, we are left feeling like a hot mess. Cue mom-shaming."
Cooper then listed her "confessions": "I cried 3 or 4 times last week after staying home with my sick kids. Coffee isn’t just my morning beverage, sometimes it’s 2/3 of my meals. The laundry pile hardly ever moves and sometimes I will grab clean clothes from the dryer because I haven’t folded it yet. My son asked me why I have hair under my armpits because I forgot to shave for last week. Depression and anxiety tell me that I’m not a good mother, but I take pills daily to fight this. Sometimes my kids eat popsicles at 8am because it’s not worth the battle. My sink is starting to look like the Leaning Tower of Pisa. Before pregnancy, I told myself my kids would never have screen time. HA. Sometimes I’m just too tired to even think about sex with my husband. My house looks like I’m losing a game of Jumanji. I suck at balancing work and family life. I;ve been wearing the same leggings for so many days, I’ve lost count."
She admitted that "more often than not," she feels like she's "failing as a mom." But ultimately, she realizes that "kids won’t remember that big stack of dishes or the dirty floors but they WILL remember you giving a damn about them making sure they’re fed-even if it’s just macaroni and chicken nuggets-warm, safe, wanted, and content."
Cooper concluded her relatable post with a message of solidarity for other moms who feel like her: "Cheers to all the hot mess moms who don’t have their shit together, but are still trying."
The post quickly went viral, wracking up 33K likes to date, as well as countless comments from fellow moms who appreciate Cooper giving voice to their realities.
One wrote, "I’m SO relieved to know I’m not alone. I mean I know we all struggle but we don’t often share the kind of hot mess we’re in. I think it’s great we all strive to do the best for our kids but one thing I’m realizing from other moms like you is that nothing is ever going to be perfect. Because why? Because motherhood is not an easy job. I’m a stay at home mom. But the moment I drop my kids off to school I’m behind my computer working for 8 hours or sometimes more. You see work I remote so I don’t leave my house but I still have to make sure everything is running smoothly by the time my kids are home. Even though I’m at home you would think I have time in between to shave my armpits or my legs, or change my yoga pants each day. Well, I don’t. I hardly have any time in between. The point is I can relate and I’m glad to know this is the new norm. ❤️"
Another shared, "I read this in a time where I was crying myself over some of the things you shared. We are not perfect but we do our best, the best way possible. Cry if you have to but never give up. You are doing a great job."
Cooper tells Parents.com that she was inspired to write the post after having a particularly rough week. "I felt I was drowning in motherhood, my job, and interpersonal struggles," she explains. "I was trying to balance work deadlines and two sick kids, but I found myself crying for two days straight due to frustration."
On a regular basis, Cooper says she goes "back and forth from feeling like a good mother to questioning if I am doing enough. It is an ongoing struggle of fighting doubt." She attributes most of the doubt to social media and comparing herself to "perfect mothers who seem to have it figured out."
"We are constantly plagued with perfection, and I wanted to break the stigma that moms had to have it all together," Cooper says.
She also notes that she's talked to other moms about "feeling isolated in motherhood, but no one truly speaks about it in the open from the fear of being mom shamed for not having their life together. The mom guilt is so real, and I think society gives us unrealistic expectations on how we should be a mother and a wife. Some mom bloggers especially on Instagram display this curated image of motherhood with a clean house, flawless makeup, immaculate kids, and a huge smile on their faces, but motherhood can be—and usually is—far from this. I wanted to show the raw feelings that go through most mothers' minds, because women need to see it and feel heard and validated."
That fact was certainly evidenced by the response to Cooper's post. "The feedback on the post has been overwhelmingly positive with many moms saying that they could relate 100%," she says. "Some even said they were in tears, because my words truly hit on how they were feeling or what they were going through, and other moms started sharing their own hot mess moments, as well."
She's thrilled that her followers felt compelled to weigh in and bond with one another, noting, "I want moms to know that they are not alone in this."
The bottom-line for the outspoken blogger: "It is okay to feel like you are failing, it is okay to cry, and it is okay to get upset. Moms are human, too!"