How should I bring up a carpool issue with another parent?

Q: I have been in a carpool with another mom for nearly three years. About a year ago we added a child to the carpool whose family doesn't help in the carpool and wants to add another child to the carpool. Our vehicles don't have additional room so I assumed that the new family would drop out. Instead the other moms organized an alternate plan (without my knowledge) that will not work for me. I told the original mom and she didnt seem to care that the new plan meant me leaving the carpool.

A: No good deed goes unpunished, right? The world of parenting is just like the rest of the world -- not everyone is thoughtful and considerate. All you can do is calmly state your suggestions. Perhaps try something like this: "I'm sorry but the original carpool just doesn't have room for an additional child." If the other moms decide to work out their own carpool without you, that will be a disappointment -- but perhaps it's just as well for your child not to be in that situation. Next time, you'll be able to draw on this experience to make sure everyone has a fair share of responsibility -- from the beginning.

Answered by Dr. Heather Wittenberg

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