When it comes to fixing bad behavior, moms are the real experts. Read on for smart strategies that will put a stop to whining, tantrums, back talk, and more.
"When we were teaching our son Anthony to stay in bed at night, we gave him a special paper lunch bag to sleep with. If he went down without a fuss, he'd find a surprise in the sack when he woke up. While he was asleep, I would sneak in a picture of the park we'd visit that day, a toy from the dollar store, or something else. Whatever the case, it worked."
"Bedtime was becoming a struggle, so we decided to let Jacob control as many things as possible. We'd ask him, 'Do you want to use the blue or red toothbrush?' 'Right leg first or left leg first into the pj's?' and so on. Finally, I'd say, 'Want me to stay for three more minutes or five?' After five minutes, I'd give him a kiss and say, 'I'm leaving now. Do want the door open a little bit or opened wide?' All of a sudden Jacob was in bed wondering, 'How did I get here?'"
"To help our foster daughter adjust, we took digital photos of each part of the nighttime routine: taking a bath, brushing teeth, putting on jammies, reading a book. Then we'd hang them on her door. This let her see each activity so she knew exactly what was coming next."
"Instead of saying 'No,' which usually triggers a tantrum, I try to give a positive reply instead. If my kids ask, 'Mommy, can I have a cookie?' I'll say, 'Of course you can -- right after you eat dinner.' Or if they want to watch TV, I'll say, 'Sure, after you're done picking up your toys' or 'As soon as you play outside for an hour.'"
"As long as they're safe, I will usually walk away from my kids when they're having a tantrum. I don't try to calm them down. If we're in a store, I'll go around the corner, not far away, where I can see them and they can't see me. Once they realize I won't pay attention, the meltdowns stop."
"When my kids are about to explode I affirm what they're feeling. For example, 'You're mad you can't have ice cream now.' This lets them know I understand their frustration and gives them the words to express it."
Gretchen Patterson Fairfield, Connecticut, mom of 3
"If they have time to argue about watching television, they have time to do work around the house, so I promptly assign them some new tasks. And if they argue about that, I give them more."
"My kids fight when they've spent too much time together in the house. So I'll make them go into the backyard. The change of scenery helps them cool down and settle their differences."
"When our kids fight over a toy, they've got to give each other five big hugs. And if they yell at one another? They need to sit on the couch and hold hands for three minutes."
"'If my daughter wants an item, I'll ask her, 'How much is in your piggy bank? Where will you put it?' Then she can come back another day with her own money."
Kathy Robinson Winchester, Massachusetts, mom of 3
"Usually when I drop my daughter off somewhere new, I have to scrape her off me. Recently, I switched my strategy. I said, 'Bria, I hope it's okay if I come into preschool with you. Do you mind if I stay a while?' It was the total opposite of what she expected, so when I needed to leave she was ready for me to go."
"If we're at a party and I'm trying to get my kids to leave, I find it helps to have them do something very silly. I'll say, 'Do you want to walk backward or hop on one foot to the car?"
"When we need to end a playdate, I'll say, 'It's time to go so we can have lunch. Would you like peanut butter and jelly or grilled cheese?' My kids start focusing on the meal, and they forget to protest that we're walking out the door."
"I make my daughter sit in the corner of our dining room for five minutes whenever she talks back. She comes away like nothing happened, and she's ready to behave."
"When my kids speak disrespectfully, I tell them they don't have the freedom to talk until they can use a gentle, controlled voice. A moment or two of silence usually does the trick."
"To stop back talk, my husband will make a rhyme with the last phrase our kids say. So if they say, 'Stop it!' he'll say 'Plop it?' This gets them laughing, and it ends the tension."
Onir Spiegel Chestnut Hill, Massachusetts, mom of 2
"My kids have a bad habit of questioning a command to avoid obeying it. So we established a new rule: They have to do what we say first, and then we can talk about it later. I find this policy is especially effective in public places, where you can't get into a back-and-forth with your child."
"When my kids start to whine, I tell them to stop, and I set a kitchen timer for five minutes. When it buzzes, they can come back and talk in a nice tone of voice."
"If I've said 'No' to something and they keep asking, I pick a phrase such as, 'I know' or 'I'm not going to talk about this anymore.' Then I'll repeat it calmly -- sometimes many times -- until they just give up."
Jen DeBusk Auburn, California, mom of 3
Originally published in the April 2011 issue of Parents magazine.
