It's all fun and magical reindeer games until somebody forgets to move the %#@* elf. (Note to fairy gnomes everywhere: YOU HAVE ONE JOB.) Slacker moms and dads, you can relax. We've come up with a helpful list of excuses explanations for why Buddy didn't budge last night.
1. "I saw on the news* there was a huge storm in the North Pole last night. Aren't you glad he decided to stay here and be safe?" *Never underestimate the power of this opener.
2. "I bet he heard you fighting with your sister/talking back to me/complaining about eating broccoli and wanted to give you a chance to clean up your act before reporting back to Santa!" A little guilt (probably) never hurt anyone.
3. "I saw on the news that some elves are starting to report back to Santa during the day to avoid the crazy lines at check-in." Seems legit.
4. "You didn't TOUCH him, did you?" Oh, it was probably Daddy then.
5. "I saw on the news that yesterday was International Holiday Worker Day. Even Santa took the day off." Note: You only get to play this card once, so use it wisely.
6. "Wow, Buddy's such a little trickster. I bet he thought you'd NEVER look in the same spot two nights in a row!" Especially handy after you've blamed him/Dad/the dog/the weather four nights in a row.
7. "Are you sure he didn't move? Because I'm almost positive he was a centimeter to the left yesterday." What, you'd feel terrible lying like that? Ahem.
8. "I saw on the news that Elf Flu is going around. I hope he feels better tomorrow." But he may not, kid. Just so you know.
9. "I saw on the news that the Elves' Union just passed a one-day-off-a week law." The gift that keeps on giving!
10. "I guess we'll never know." How does Santa get all the way around the world? How does he get in when we don't have a chimney? How can he fit eleven billion presents in his sleigh? How do reindeer fly without wings? So. Many. Unanswered. Questions.