The best dad jokes are so bad they're good. And thankfully, there's one tailored for just about every occasion. Consider learning how to deliver these dad jokes for Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and more your pre-holiday homework.

By Meredith C. Carroll
October 11, 2019
Illustration by Emma Darvick

The only thing funnier than a dad joke—besides, well, pretty much anything—is the dad telling the joke. They think they're funny, but they're snot.

What dad jokes lack in actually comedy though, they more than make up for in entertainment. Whether it's winter, spring, summer or fall, don't go into a holiday (or any day) without a suitcase full of the best dad jokes to make your audience groan.

Halloween Dad Jokes

Why are graveyards so noisy? Because of all the coffin.

Why didn't the mummy have any friends? He was too wrapped up in himself.

What is a witch's favorite lesson at school? Spelling.

What did My Little Pony dress up as for Halloween? A night mare.

Why does everyone think Mrs. Jones is rich? Because she passes out 100 Grand to each trick-or-treater.

Thanksgiving Dad Jokes

If April flowers bring May showers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims.

Where do you find a turkey with no legs? Exactly where you left it.

What did the turkey say to the computer? Google, google, google.

Why did the rock band hire a turkey? Because he had the drumsticks.

What do you get when you divide the circumference of a pumpkin pie by its diameter? Pumpkin pi.

Christmas Dad Jokes

Why is Santa so good at karate? Because he has a black belt.

What do Elves learn at school? The elf-abet.

What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney? Claus-trophobia.

Who's Santa's favorite pop star? Beyon-sleigh.

How does Darth Vader like his Christmas turkey? On the dark side.

Valentine's Day Dad Jokes

What did the flame say to his buddies after he fell in love? I found the perfect match!"

What do you call the world's smallest Valentine's Day card? A valen-teeny.

Did you hear about the bed bugs who fell in love? They're getting married in the spring.

What did the farmer give his wife for Valentine's Day? Hogs and kisses.

What kind of flowers should you NOT give your sweetheart on Valentine's Day? Cauliflowers.

Easter Dad Jokes

What do you get if you pour hot water down a rabbit hole? Hot cross bunnies.

What happened when the Easter Bunny married the rabbit of his dreams? They lived hoppily ever after.

Why shouldn't you tell an Easter egg a good joke? It might crack up.

Why was the Easter Bunny so upset? He was having a bad hare day.

What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs bunny.

Birthday Dad Jokes

What does a turtle do on his birthday? Shell-a-brate.

What did the bald guy say upon receiving a comb for his birthday? "Thanks, I'll never part with it."

What did the teddy bear say when it was offered some birthday cake? "No thanks, I'm too stuffed."

What does a cat like to eat on his birthday? Mice cream and cake.

What do you say to a Mexican sheep on his birthday? Fleece cumpleaños!

Sports Dad Jokes

Why did Cinderella get kicked off the baseball team? Because she ran away from the ball.

Why didn't the dog want to play football? Because he was a boxer.

What do hockey players drink? Penal-tea.

What do sprinters eat before a race? Nothing, they fast.

What's a tennis player's favorite city? Volley Wood.



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