Skip to content

Top Navigation

Parents Parents
  • GETTING PREGNANT
  • PREGNANCY
  • BABY NAMES
  • BABY
  • TODDLER
  • BIG KID
  • FUN
  • HEALTH
  • PARENTING
  • FOOD
  • HOLIDAY
  • News
  • THE STAY AT HOME GUIDE
  • SHOP
  • OUR MAGAZINES
  • MORE

Profile Menu

Your Account

Account

  • Join Now
  • Your Profile
  • Your Profile
  • Newsletters
  • Manage Your Subscription this link opens in a new tab
  • Give a Gift Subscription this link opens in a new tab
  • Cozi Family Organizer this link opens in a new tab
  • Help
  • Logout
Login
Subscribe
Pin FB

Explore Parents

Parents Parents
  • Explore

    Explore

    • 22 Chore Ideas for Every Type of Kid

      Find a chore your kid loves to do, and start a habit of wanting to help out that'll last a lifetime. Read More Next
    • Top 5 Mom Friend Problems—And How to Fix Them

      Parenting is so much easier with good pals. Learn to overcome friendship hurdles and bond with women who get you. Read More Next
    • How to Sleep Train Toddlers and Big Kids

      I’m a pediatric sleep specialist who has seen it all, and I’m here to tell you that it’s not too late to get your child to (happily) stay in his own bed all night long. Read More Next
  • GETTING PREGNANT

    GETTING PREGNANT

    See All GETTING PREGNANT

    Your Chances of Getting Pregnant Every Day of the Month

    When sex coincides withĀ your most fertile ovulation days, you'llĀ increase the chances of conceiving.Ā Get to know each phase of your cycle to get pregnant faster.
    • Ovulation
    • Reproductive Age
    • Maximizing Your Fertility
    • Pre-Pregnancy Health
    • Trying to Conceive
    • Dealing With Infertility
    • Genetics
  • PREGNANCY

    PREGNANCY

    See All PREGNANCY

    Signs of Approaching Labor: How to Tell Your Baby is Coming Soon

    Anxiously awaiting your baby’s arrival? Learn to recognize the first signs of labor approaching, which signal that your little one might make an appearance soon.
    • Signs of Pregnancy
    • Pregnancy Week-by-Week
    • Giving Birth
    • Labor & Delivery
    • Pregnancy Symptoms
    • Due Date Calculator
    • Pregnancy Complications
    • Fetal Development
    • Gender Prediction
    • Baby Showers
  • BABY NAMES

    BABY NAMES

    See All BABY NAMES

    These Are the Most Popular Baby Names of 2020

    Curious which baby names stole the show this year? From new classics like Noah to tried-and-true faves like Ava, here are the top boy and girl names of the year so far, plus more naming trends to consider.
    • Baby Girl Names
    • Most Popular Names
    • Names by Origin
    • Twin Names
    • Baby Boy Names
    • Names by Religion
    • Celebrity Baby Names
    • Baby Name Quizzes
  • BABY

    BABY

    See All BABY

    How to Decode Your Baby's Cough

    Caring for a baby with a wet or dry cough? Listen for wheezing, hacking, or barking first, then read on to find out what's normal and when it's time to worry.
    • Newborn Care
    • Crying Baby
    • Health
    • Baby Development
    • Safety
    • Gear
    • Breastfeeding
    • Diapers
    • Sleep Issues
    • Feeding
    • Nursery
  • TODDLER

    TODDLER

    See All TODDLER
    • Preschool Activities
    • Behavior & Discipline
    • Toddler Development
    • Milestones
    • Potty Training
    • Starting School
    • Health
    • Safety
    • Childcare
  • BIG KID

    BIG KID

    See All BIG KID

    How to Deal With Bullies: A Guide for Parents

    Mean kids aren't just a middle-school problem. The trouble has trickled to the youngest grades. Learn how to spot it—and how to protect children of all ages from bullies at school.
    • Education
    • Health
    • Food & Nutrition
    • Bullying & School Problems
    • Child Development
    • Safety
    • Manners & Responsibility
  • FUN

    FUN

    See All FUN

    17 Budget-Friendly Kids’ Birthday Party Ideas

    A fun celebration doesn’t need to cost a pretty penny. Throw a memorable bash with these clever cost-cutting kids’ birthday party ideas.
    • Birthdays
    • Indoor Activities
    • Outdoor Activities
    • Arts & Crafts
    • Printable Coloring Pages
    • Kids' Entertainment
    • Best Toys
    • Holidays
    • Family Vacation Ideas
  • HEALTH

    HEALTH

    See All HEALTH

    All About Coronavirus COVID-19: A Concerned Parent's Guide

    Here’s everything you need to know about the disease that originated in Wuhan, China.
    • ADD & ADHD
    • Allergies
    • Autism
    • Cold & Flu
    • Coronavirus and COVID-19
    • Cough
    • Down Syndrome
    • Emergency Aid
    • Fever
    • Medication & Vitamins
    • Obesity
    • Rashes
    • Stomach Aches
    • Vaccines
  • PARENTING

    PARENTING

    See All PARENTING

    The Stay at Home Guide for Parents

    Everything you need to thrive at home as a family.
    • Positive Parenting
    • Parenting Style
    • Celebrity Parents
    • Family Dynamics
    • Divorce
    • Home
    • Adoption
    • Just for Mom
    • Money
    • Toy Recalls
    • Stroller Recalls
  • FOOD

    FOOD

    See All FOOD
    • Family Recipes
    • Baby Food
    • Toddler Finger Food Recipes
    • Hints & Tips
    • Healthy Eating
    • Birthdays
    • Holiday Recipes
    • Quick & Easy Meals
    • Food For Pregnant Women
  • HOLIDAY

    HOLIDAY

    See All HOLIDAY

    44 Fun Valentine's Day Crafts for Kids

    Spend an afternoon making these Valentine's Day cards, decorations, and edible projects for kids. Bonus: These craft ideas are perfect for preschoolers and the ideal homemade gift for a few special someones!
    • Christmas
    • New Year's
    • Valentine's Day
    • Easter
    • Mother's Day
    • Memorial Day
    • Father's Day
    • 4th of July
    • Halloween
    • Thanksgiving
    • Hanukkah
  • News
  • THE STAY AT HOME GUIDE
  • SHOP
  • OUR MAGAZINES

    OUR MAGAZINES

    See All OUR MAGAZINES
    • Parents
    • Parents Latina
    • Ser Padres
  • MORE

    MORE

    • Newsletters
    • Contests
    • ParentsIRL
    • Adulting
    • First Year Playbook
    • Celebrate Your Way

Profile Menu

Subscribe this link opens in a new tab
Your Account

Account

  • Join Now
  • Your Profile
  • Your Profile
  • Newsletters
  • Manage Your Subscription this link opens in a new tab
  • Give a Gift Subscription this link opens in a new tab
  • Cozi Family Organizer this link opens in a new tab
  • Help
  • Logout
Login
Sweepstakes

Follow Us

  1. Home
  2. Babies
  3. Life as a New Parent
  4. Motherhood
  5. ABC's of Playdates

ABC's of Playdates

By Rachel Rabkin Pechman
November 29, 2010
Skip gallery slides
Save Pin
Credit: Heather Weston
It's never too early for mom-and-tot meet-ups. Learn the secrets to making each one a success.
Start Slideshow

1 of 6

Save Pin
Facebook Tweet Mail Email iphone Send Text Message

Be a Playdate Pro!

Ah, the days of new motherhood. It's a time of highs (and lows) that can shift in a heartbeat. As a rookie, Robin Saks Frankel found that gabbing with other moms reined in her overwhelming feelings and frustrations: "All the parenting books in the world couldn't help me through the roller coaster of emotions," says Frankel, whose boys are 7 months and 2. "But chatting with other women did." That's why the New York City mom joined as many playgroups as possible through a center in her neighborhood that caters to families with kids. The happy result? "I met a gazillion people and widened my pool of friends."

Experts also give friend time the nod. "It's super important to connect with other moms," says Tammy Gold, a psychotherapist in Short Hills, New Jersey, who has a 17-month-old and a 4-year-old. "Motherhood can be isolating: You're alone all day, and you think you're the only one in the universe whose baby cries nonstop or won't sleep more than two hours at a stretch," Gold says. "It's key to find women with whom you can relate so you can talk about the daily details of caring for a child, such as which bottle to use or nursing technique to try."

Want to broaden your social circle? Follow these need-to-knows for mingling with other moms.

1 of 6

Advertisement
Advertisement

2 of 6

Save Pin
Facebook Tweet Mail Email iphone Send Text Message

Start 'em young

Credit: Image Source/ Veer

Right from day one, you and baby both benefit from having chums. But while your child is an infant, playdates are more about mommies bonding. That was the case for Jennifer Bright Reich, of Hellertown, Pennsylvania, whose sons are 2 and 4. Reich and a former colleague started rendezvousing when Reich's eldest was only a few weeks old. While their boys slept peacefully in their carriers, the moms got to swap tips and complain a little too. "We would say whatever was on our mind," Reich says. "It definitely deepened our friendship."

Even though they may snooze through most of an afternoon visit, pint-size guests profit from being exposed to new toys, an unfamiliar environment, and even another small person lying next to them. "Babies are born fascinated with other kids, and they learn by watching them," says Heather Wittenberg, Psy.D., a parenting psychologist in Maui and the mom to four children ages 5 months, 4, 7, and 8 years. "This early socialization is good practice for babies. It means that once they're truly ready to interact with other children, they have a better grasp of what these exchanges are about."

And early playdates may be where future best buddies connect. "My 4-year-old and his friend went from having no interest in each other as babies, to playing side by side as toddlers, to racing around the house together as pals," Reich says.

2 of 6

3 of 6

Save Pin
Facebook Tweet Mail Email iphone Send Text Message

Pick fun mom pals

Credit: Juice Images/Veer

If your friends don't have kids yet, join a playgroup through Mothers of Preschoolers (mops.org), or take a mommy and me class at a community center. You can also look for playdates on meetup.com, craigslist.com, or americanbaby.com/meetmoms.

Seek out women who bring you up, not down. "A few moms in my playgroup weren't always truthful about how they were doing," says Carolyn Sutton, mother of a 13 month old in Dallas. Some boasted about how well their babies were sleeping; others tried to convince Sutton to let her daughter cry it out. Ultimately, she gravitated to those who shared a similar parenting philosophy. What if you're not clicking with your group? It's okay to split off with one or two other mothers, Gold says. "If the moms aren't supportive, you're in the wrong playgroup."

3 of 6

Advertisement

4 of 6

Save Pin
Facebook Tweet Mail Email iphone Send Text Message

Be a happy host

Credit: Buff Strickland

First, timing is everything. Map your get-together around nap schedules to ensure the babies won't be cranky. Set the scene by laying out toys in your living room or another babyproofed area. If you're preparing kid fare, ask ahead if anyone has food allergies (to nuts, for instance) and steer clear of sugary drinks and treats that may be contraband in other kids' homes.

Then, keep an eye on your child and manage your expectations. "If little ones [younger than 2] end up hanging out next to each other and having an enjoyable time, even if it's for five minutes, parents should be thrilled," Dr. Wittenberg says. In other words, if your child prefers to stay firmly planted on your lap, let her; if she doesn't want to engage with another child, there's no need to force it.

"Respect a child's own tempo," says Fran Walfish, Psy.D., psychotherapist and author of The Self-Aware Parent. "She will interact when she's ready." Sutton, whose daughter is painfully shy, learned that lesson early on. "She can get scared easily, so I watch her carefully during playdates. I used to feel that I had to make excuses if my daughter cried or wanted to hide behind my legs, but I've accepted that this is who she is, and I put her needs first."

What if you sense meltdowns are imminent? Start to pick up the toys right away. This sends the signal that the playdate is over. Plus, if you take a few minutes to tidy up, your mom friends may be inclined to join you. You'll set a good example for your kids about cooperation, and you'll prevent your living room from looking like Toys "R" Us on Black Friday.

4 of 6

5 of 6

Save Pin
Facebook Tweet Mail Email iphone Send Text Message

Keep the peace

Credit: Heather Weston

Once children are old enough to grab for blocks or dolls, don't be surprised if a fracas breaks out. As much as you want kids to take turns nicely, they can't truly understand this concept until around age 2. Even then, "it's tough to master," Dr. Walfish says. But you can model sharing by saying something simple and direct to your child, such as, "No, it's Johnny's turn," Dr. Wittenberg says. "The concept will eventually start to sink in." Distraction works too. Stealthily give your little one another toy to play with. Reich and her friend watch for conflicts and intervene soon after one arises. "We both really try to nip toy taking in the bud," Reich says, "and I focus on my own kids, who are often the instigators."

When a tot pushes, hits, or bites, take action, pronto. "If your child is the aggressor, even if he's a baby, it's your responsibility to stop him," Gold says. "For instance, you can hold an 8-month-old's hands and sternly say, 'No hit.'" Once your child is old enough for a time-out (generally around 18 months to 2 years), you should issue one at the first sign of violence, Gold says. He still won't stop? Put him down for a nap if you're hosting or hightail it home if you're not.

If your kid is consistently at odds with another, have a powwow with the child's mom. You may find that rather than being a born terror, her usually well-mannered son is overtired because the playdate conflicts with naptime, Gold says. In any case, it's never too late for you to learn more about navigating new friendships, even as you teach your child to do the same.

5 of 6

6 of 6

Save Pin
Facebook Tweet Mail Email iphone Send Text Message

Playdate Pitfalls: Avoid these excesses

Credit: Heather Weston

Too much structure: Skip complex plans (like a trip to an aquarium then lunch at a restaurant). The agenda is bound to be thrown off when you?re dealing with tots. Keep it simple. If you're chill, the kids will feel that, Dr. Wittenberg says.

Too long a meet-up: One to two hours is sensible, Gold says. It's enough time for the kids to play and have a snack or lunch. Go any longer and you may creep into baby's naptime.

Too much effort: Playdates are not the time to toil over your famous homemade chili or fret about the state of your house. Forget perfection, have fun, and use these occasions as a forum for sharing all your ups and downs, Gold says.

Too many kids: Any more than a posse of four and a playdate becomes a chaotic party, Dr. Wittenberg says.

Too many playdates: "As a new mom, I felt pressure to say yes to every invite," Sutton says. "Now I've realized that if it doesn't work well for my daughter's schedule, it's better for us to stay home and have QT together."

Originally published in the December 2010 issue of American Baby magazine.

6 of 6

Advertisement
Advertisement
Advertisement
Replay gallery

Share the Gallery

Pinterest Facebook

Up Next

Share the Gallery

Pinterest Facebook
Trending Videos
Advertisement
Skip slide summaries

Everything in This Slideshow

Advertisement

View All

1 of 6 Be a Playdate Pro!
2 of 6 Start 'em young
3 of 6 Pick fun mom pals
4 of 6 Be a happy host
5 of 6 Keep the peace
6 of 6 Playdate Pitfalls: Avoid these excesses

Share options

Facebook Tweet Mail Email iphone Send Text Message

Login

Parents

Magazines & More

Learn More

  • About Us
  • Subscribe this link opens in a new tab
  • Customer Service this link opens in a new tab
  • Cozi Family Organizer this link opens in a new tab
  • Advertise this link opens in a new tab
  • Content Licensing this link opens in a new tab
  • From Our Sponsors this link opens in a new tab
  • Affiliate Program this link opens in a new tab
  • Sitemap

Connect

Follow Us
Subscribe to Our Newsletter
Other Meredith Sites

Other Meredith Sites

  • 4 Your Health this link opens in a new tab
  • Allrecipes this link opens in a new tab
  • All People Quilt this link opens in a new tab
  • Better Homes & Gardens this link opens in a new tab
  • Bizrate Insights this link opens in a new tab
  • Bizrate Surveys this link opens in a new tab
  • Cooking Light this link opens in a new tab
  • Daily Paws this link opens in a new tab
  • EatingWell this link opens in a new tab
  • Eat This, Not That this link opens in a new tab
  • Entertainment Weekly this link opens in a new tab
  • Food & Wine this link opens in a new tab
  • Health this link opens in a new tab
  • Hello Giggles this link opens in a new tab
  • Instyle this link opens in a new tab
  • Martha Stewart this link opens in a new tab
  • Midwest Living this link opens in a new tab
  • More this link opens in a new tab
  • MyRecipes this link opens in a new tab
  • MyWedding this link opens in a new tab
  • My Food and Family this link opens in a new tab
  • MyLife this link opens in a new tab
  • Parenting this link opens in a new tab
  • People this link opens in a new tab
  • People en EspaƱol this link opens in a new tab
  • Rachael Ray Magazine this link opens in a new tab
  • Real Simple this link opens in a new tab
  • Ser Padres this link opens in a new tab
  • Shape this link opens in a new tab
  • Siempre Mujer this link opens in a new tab
  • Southern Living this link opens in a new tab
  • SwearBy this link opens in a new tab
  • Travel & Leisure this link opens in a new tab
Parents.com is part of the Parents Network. © Copyright 2021 Meredith Corporation. All Rights Reserved. Privacy Policythis link opens in a new tab Terms of Servicethis link opens in a new tab Ad Choicesthis link opens in a new tab California Do Not Sellthis link opens a modal window Web Accessibilitythis link opens in a new tab
© Copyright . All rights reserved. Printed from https://www.parents.com

View image

ABC's of Playdates
this link is to an external site that may or may not meet accessibility guidelines.