Everyone needs a good laugh, once in a while.

By Compiled by Deirdre Byrne
February 08, 2007

"We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse."

-- Anonymous

"Be sure to leave the babysitter a first-aid kit with tourniquet; the phone numbers of the pediatrician, the ambulance, the fire department, the police, the Poison Control Center, all your neighbors, the Mayo Clinic, all your relatives, the State Department, etc; and a note telling her where you are ('We're in the basement') and what to do in the event of an emergency ('Pound on the floor')."

-- Dave Barry

"People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one."

-- Leo Burke

"In spite of the seven thousand books of expert advice, the right way to discipline a child is still a mystery to most fathers and ... mothers. Only your grandmother and Genghis Khan know how to do it."

-- Bill Cosby

"Layette. That's French for 'You must buy at least one of everything in this store.'"

-- Ian Davis

"Mothers, food, love, and career: the four major guilt groups."

-- Cathy Guisewite

"When I grow up I want to be a little boy."

-- Joseph Heller

"Diaper backwards spells repaid. Think about it."

-- Marshall McLuhan

"The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant -- and let the air out of their tires."

-- Dorothy Parker

"You know that children are growing up when they start asking questions that have answers."

-- John J. Plomp

"You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going."

-- P.J. O'Rourke

"Adults are obsolete children."

-- Dr. Seuss

"Adam and Eve had many advantages, but the principal one was that they escaped teething."

-- Mark Twain

Originally published on AmericanBaby.com, February 2007.

American Baby

Comments (1)

December 4, 2018
Quick tip for all you parents all out there: My baby never slept well (especially through the night) until I started using the website >>>>SleepBaby .org<<<< - that website has been by far one of the best things I've ever got my hands on to get him to fall asleep quickly. Best time is 45 seconds from awake to asleep! I heard about it through a kindergarten teacher who uses it to put to sleep a group of 30 children. Check it out! Sorry, you can't post links here so you'll have to turn it into a normal link. >>SleepBaby .org<< Best of luck to you and your family! :)