Postpartum Rage: One Mom's Uncontrollable Anger After Giving Birth

"You need to calm down," my husband told me. I didn't realize it at the time, but my unrelenting anger after pregnancy was a scary symptom of postpartum depression.

Photo: Getty Images. Art: Jillian Sellers.

Right after I delivered my daughter by emergency cesarean section, I remembered I needed to call the phone company over a mistake in the bill. Hopped up on pain medication and sobbing tears of frustration, I yelled at the customer service person, "You can't do this to me. You are overcharging. It's not fair!"

My husband heard my screaming from the hall, came into the room, and gently took the phone away. "I'm sorry, my wife just had a baby, and she's exhausted," he said. "We'll get back to you at another time."

"Estelle, you need to calm down," he told me gently. It would not be the last time those words left his mouth. And now, I understand why.

My Signs of Postpartum Anger

Everything was a trigger for my postpartum anger. I yelled at a nurse who woke me in the early morning to take my blood pressure. When the social worker at the hospital did a routine check on new parents, she asked me if I felt depressed or unable to care for my daughter. I felt attacked and shouted back, "What are you talking about? I can take care of my daughter. How dare you ask me that!" She quickly left, closing the door behind her.

I was also mad at the clumsy lactation nurse who tried to force me to breastfeed, despite acknowledging that my nipples were all torn up from giving my daughter colostrum. Ultimately, I had breastfeeding challenges that made this feeding method not work for me.

Though I was grateful that the hospital allowed my husband to stay with me during recovery, he probably regretted the decision each time I lost my temper. I became livid at any interruptions—and my husband's constant tap, tap, tapping on his computer drove me insane.

The unrelenting rage I felt at the slightest provocation, which felt as though my eyeballs would explode, felt oddly empowering. But the night terrors overwhelmed me, making me feel like I was drowning in a sea of emotion.

I'd had intense pregnancy dreams before I gave birth—mostly about potential medical mishaps during delivery—but now they were back with a vengeance. My new dreams were of people in parks pulling my baby's stroller away from me. I'd wake up my fists balled ready to fight, the adrenaline coursing through my body.

What Caused My Postpartum Rage?

I didn't realize it at the time, but I now understand that my unrelenting anger after pregnancy was a scary symptom of postpartum depression (PPD). Statistics from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) show that 1 out of every 8 new parents suffers symptoms of postpartum depression during the first three months after delivery.

Postpartum Depression is experienced differently from parent to parent. Some people with PPD feel sad, lethargic, numb, or overwhelmed. Others feel rage coursing through their veins—or many different challenging emotions at once. But why did this intense postpartum anger happen to me?

The general causes of PPD include raging hormones, the exhaustion that comes with new parenthood, and general life stresses. But each person's experience and causes are unique. The CDC points to risk factors like low social support, having a history of depression, and pregnancy or birth complications, such as my emergency C-section and difficulty with breastfeeding.

Also, I'm not the chillest person around, but I'm usually reasonable. For me, I believe my anger was an indication of my fear of being isolated in my new life as a mom and my fear of being a failure at mothering. This began with not being able to breastfeed, and it's also because I came to motherhood in my mid-forties, which meant having less energy and fewer peers with newborns.

Treating My Anger After Pregnancy

I knew I needed help, so I met with a therapist after returning from the hospital. Without judgment, she made me realize that my situation was normal and that I wasn't insane. She reminded me that the postpartum rage didn't make me a bad mother—just a stressed-out new one.

My therapist encouraged me and my husband to focus on finding practical solutions to the situations that made me angry. For example, if his tapping on the computer bothered me, he took it to another room. We also noticed that my rage would increase if I was tired or sleep deprived, so we made sure that visitors only stayed a short period of time and that I got the rest I needed.

I soon felt acknowledged and supported. As I healed over the next few months and adjusted to my new life, I let go of the postpartum rage that had been consuming me.

The morning I woke up from a night-terror-free sleep, glanced over at my sweet baby sleeping soundly in her crib, and heard my husband tapping on his computer—without feeling like I wanted to chuck him and it out of the window—I finally knew I'd be alright. And I was.

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