Tandem Nursing a Toddler and Newborn: How I Make It Work
Tandem nursing is not something I ever planned to do, but then I found myself pregnant for the third time, soon after my second. Like many mothers, I found the decision on whether to continue my breastfeeding journey with my older child or wean before the arrival of the baby, a difficult one.
I wavered back and forth, but my pregnancy flew by (as they seem to with each subsequent child). I continued to nurse my toddler who didn't seem to have any interest in weaning, despite the change in taste, decline in supply, and growing belly getting in the way.
Before I knew it, my newborn was at one breast, my toddler was at the other, and I was tandem breastfeeding. I've since gone on to tandem-nurse my third and fourth together and discovered that tandem nursing can be an incredibly positive and rewarding experience for both myself and my children.
If you have children close in age or find yourself pregnant and not quite ready to wean your nursing child, you may be considering tandem nursing. Here is everything I learned about nursing siblings simultaneously.
What is tandem nursing?
Tandem nursing is breastfeeding more than one child during the same period of time—in my case feeding a toddler and newborn baby. This can be at the same time or one after the other. Choose what works best for you!
There's a misconception that once you are pregnant, you must stop breastfeeding for the health of yourself and/or your unborn baby. But according to the American Academy of Family Physicians, "If the pregnancy is normal and the mother is healthy, breastfeeding during pregnancy is the woman’s personal decision." Speak with your doctor and take it from there.
Benefits of tandem nursing
Increases milk supply
Generally the more milk removed, the more will be produced, so those who tandem-nurse can make twice as much milk to accommodate feeding two children.
“Because both breasts are being emptied simultaneously while tandem nursing, it is likely that mothers who tandem-feed will have an increased or oversupply of breast milk,” says Krystal Duhaney, R.N., an international board certified lactation consultant and owner of Milky Mama, a product line for breastfeeding mothers. “It’s also common for both the toddler and newborn to want to nurse at separate times throughout the day, which is likely more frequently than if Mom was only nursing one baby. This added stimulation also triggers more milk production.”
As for me, my milk was in within 12 hours after my baby was born, helping my newborn gain weight quickly and sleep for longer stretches.
Reduces engorgement and plugged ducts
My toddler helped to relieve engorgement, making it easier for my newborn to latch afterwards without dealing with a fast letdown. If I ever felt a plugged duct coming on, I would make sure that my toddler nursed on that side to reduce the risk of it turning into mastitis.
Connects toddler and Baby
"Breastfeeding the nursing child during pregnancy and after delivery of the next child (tandem nursing) may help provide a smooth transition psychologically for the older child,” according to the American Academy of Family Physicians.
The reason? “It can sometimes be difficult for a toddler to adjust to a new baby in the family. Tandem nursing can help ease the transition and promote sibling bonding by giving them an activity they can participate in together,” says Duhaney.
That was the case for my toddler. Instead of trying to distract him during those marathon feedings in the first couple of weeks, he was able to participate and feel included. Nothing compares to the feeling of watching my older child rub the baby's back or hold his hand across my chest while nursing.
It’s also not uncommon for a toddler that has previously weaned to want to nurse again after seeing his mom breastfeeding the new baby of the house. “If mom is comfortable with this, it can be a wonderful bonding experience for the three of you,” adds Duhaney.
Tips for tandem nursing
Drink lots of water and eat plenty of calories
Breastfeeding through pregnancy and continuing on to tandem nursing is physically demanding. "Both pregnancy and breastfeeding are going to require increased calories, nutrition, and hydration. On average breastfeeding requires an additional 500 calories per day and pregnancy an additional 300 calories. You will need to take a prenatal vitamin, and eat a diet rich in whole grains, good fats, vibrantly colored vegetables, and protein. You will also need to take in at least 2.5 liters of fluid a day to meet the demands of pregnancy and lactation," advises Christine Sterling, M.D., a board-certified OB-GYN based in San Diego.
Let your newborn nurse first
During the first week, your breasts will be producing colostrum, a fluid that contains antibodies and is beneficial to the newborn. I always let my baby nurse from the fullest breast first and offered my toddler the same breast afterwards. After the first week or so when the milk comes in, that's not as important. But you always want to ensure your growing baby is getting enough to eat since it's his or her only source of food.
Be prepared for increased toddler nursing
Even if your toddler only nurses once or twice a day throughout your pregnancy, you may find that after the baby arrives, your toddler is interested in nursing every time the baby latches (hello, milk!). This can be overwhelming, especially as you are adjusting to life with a newborn and dealing with lack of sleep, hormonal changes, and postpartum recovery. But I learned a toddler's increased feedings are only a transitional behavior.
The transition to a new baby in the house is a highly emotional experience for everyone, but even more so for a toddler who might not fully understand what is happening. When it comes to tandem nursing, your toddler suddenly needs to learn to wait as the baby latches, take turns with sides, and share something that was once only his or hers. In moments when I felt overwhelmed, I always tried to be empathetic with my toddler (and myself!).
Take care of yourself
Tandem nursing is a lot of work, not only physically, but also emotionally. There were definitely days during the postpartum period when my hormones were rebalancing and I felt “touched out” and irritated. Tandem nursing was far from the peaceful vision I had imagined.
- RELATED: 7 Benefits of Extended Breastfeeding
"Tandem nursing can be a beautiful experience for a mother and for siblings, but it is important to note that this puts Mom in high demand both physically and emotionally,” explains Dr. Sterling. “If you want to tandem-feed, do it, but you must attend to your needs as well. This means prioritizing the basics—sleep, nutrition, and hydration. A mother's well-being is more important to the well-being of her children than her breast milk."
My reprieve during times of frustration in my tandem nursing journey was to first let my husband know how I was feeling (although he could usually tell without me saying anything) and then spend some moments of solitude on the beach. When time wasn’t a luxury, sometimes even spending five minutes taking a hot shower really helped. When my husband wasn’t home to help, I’d take time out from my daily routine with the kids to take a deep breath and make myself a cup of coffee, put on some of my favorite music, or read a short blog post. Taking even those little moments to myself, left me feeling refreshed and relaxed.