This Dad Totally Nails What It's Like to Vacation With a Baby
Remember Man vs. Baby blogger Matt Coyne? He's the dude who won the Internet back in December with his brutally honest post on Facebook about becoming a first-time father. He compared diaper changing to being in a Formula One pit crew and childbirth to a scene from a horror movie—and had new dad Ashton Kutcher calling it out as the best description of fatherhood, ever.
Not content to rest on those impressive laurels, the dad to seven-month-old son Charlie is at it again, this time with an awesome account of what it's like to head out on a vacay with a kid, that's already been shared on Facebook more than 15,000 times!
"So, we've just come back from Charlie's first holiday," his post begins. "One or two people were a bit judgey about the idea of taking a 6-month old away. 'So, you're taking him on holiday?' Yeah. 'Abroad?' Yeah. 'Somewhere hot??' Yeah. 'On an aeroplane??' ...By which point I was tempted to answer: 'No, me and Lyns will be going on the plane, but we thought we'd get Charlie there by driving him to Dover and firing him out of a f*cking cannon.'"
"What I actually said was: 'It'll be fine,'" Coyne explained. "And you know what? It was."
He then fires off a list of his biggest—and most hilarious—travel takeaways. Everything from "We had a checklist for what to pack, it had just one item on it: 'Everything'" to "When airlines say they have 'baby changing facilities' what they actually mean is: 'a shelf.'"
He's not wrong.
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Coyne then admits he learned the hard way that parents should skip the stroller if their trip involves a plane. "The moment you check-in and that pushchair disappears behind that rubber curtain it is collected by two WWF wrestlers who smash it against a wall for half an hour before it is transferred to the runway, where they reverse the plane over it a couple of times before placing it in the hold," he writes. "At your destination.. for some bizarre reason you have to collect whatever is left of your pram (a wheel) from a baggage carousel that's f*cking miles away."
He also warns that sandy beaches are a bad idea. "A six month old baby puts everything in reaching distance in their mouth so, in hindsight, sitting them down to play on four acres of powdered glass is a bit dim."
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And as for sunscreen, "Let it dry off before picking them up or anything, otherwise its like wrestling a seal that's just left a massage parlour."
Best. Analogy. Ever.
Still, at the end of the day, Coyne regrets nothing. "What I would say to anyone considering taking their baby on holiday is this: Go," he explains. "I will always remember Charlie's face as he curled his toes in the sand for the first time. ...His delight at being pushed around a hotel pool on the back of an inflatable crocodile. ...And, his fascination as we sat on a bench, hand feeding sparrows, overlooking the deep blue of the mediterranean sea. Small price to pay that it was the same colour blue as my trampled bollocks after the flight home."