My husband is a radiologist, so every year after my mammogram, I hand him my films for a quick second look.
"Hmm," he said, after pulling my images up on his computer this time.
"What is it?" I asked in a panic. "Do you see something? Did they miss something?"
"No.... It's just that...," he took out a pencil and used the end with the eraser to point at the screen. "Look how much higher your boobs used to be."
He did NOT just go there.
"I really hope you're joking," I said, leaning in to study the screen while silently trying to calculate whether this was grounds for divorce.
See, I have had small, perky boobs my whole life, even after breastfeeding. Or at least I thought I did. Because as I watched my husband scroll back through all my past years of mammos, I couldn't help but notice that he was totally right. Even in X-ray form, my once-buoyant little A-cups were beginning to fall.
Such a bummer. End of an era and all that. I actually felt kind of depressed. But then I felt embarrassed about being depressed. I mean, they're just breasts, right?
Then I saw this Life-Cycle of Boobs illustration by South Australian Junebugs Mumma blogger Georgie, and I realized that there was someone else out there who felt my pain. Lots of someone elses apparently, because her mammary masterpiece—which she colored in with her 3-year-old's crayons, by the way—went viral pretty fast after she posted it to Facebook.
It's pretty on-point, right? (Pun intended.) I just had to know the story behind it.
"I recently weaned my second baby and was slightly horrified to watch my own breasts shrivel up," she told me. "And after conversations with my friends, I realized I wasn't alone—which is what inspired the blog post."
In it, the mom-of-two uses humor to depict what she calls a "boob's journey," hilariously elaborating on each stage of a breast's life, beginning with those awesome perky, before-babies boobies on the top left. "Plump; bouncy; and longed for in hindsight," she writes. "Soft to the touch, with button-like nipples; they earn their owner some serious sex appeal." Nailed it!
Next up: pregnancy boobs, which appear to grow overnight. "These girls are exciting, and look like a lot of fun. But if you want to touch them, you will need to woo the owner with chocolate."
Then come the breastfeeding jugs. "Humongous, rock-hard, red-hot bazookas; often sporting cracked and bleeding nipples. These ladies are uncomfortable to wear and difficult to dress; but the job they're doing is incredible, and they earn themselves some serious respect." #madprops
Last—and totally least—are what Georgie calls "the leftovers." She writes, "The saggy, old spaniel ears. The nipples appear to contain lead weights, and always point south. When scooped into lingerie, they leave even a Wonder Bra, wondering where they are.
Brilliant! And tragic. Yet also so very real. Which is probably why, though Georgie says her drawings are meant to be funny not factual, so many of us moms can relate.
"A lot of women resonate with at least one of the images, which I think has lead to [the drawing's] instant popularity," Georgie explained. Then she tacked on the hashtag #MayOurTittiesUniteUs, which made me love her almost as much as my before-babies boobs.
But not quite.