Ah, Frozen. The cultural sensation has spawned spoofs, a sequel, a Broadway show, an earworm of a theme song, and more Halloween costumes than you can shake a stick at. But something tells me the latest one-off would make Walt Disney to roll over in his grave. An unlicensed game called "Anna Gives Birth" now lets you deliver the princess's baby. By C-section no less. <shudder>
I played it a couple of times this morning, and to be honest, the experience felt a lot like a fever dream. Sure, it's an animated game that (mercifully) glosses over the grittier parts of delivery, but that doesn't mean it's not bizarre. (Check out all the hysterical screenshots on BuzzFeed or watch this YouTube video.) As the one in charge of getting this baby out, you're responsible for checking the fetal heart rate, injecting some kind of sedative/painkiller into the mom-to-be's vein until she falls asleep, and then slathering a blue goo over her bump.
Next up? Slicing into Elsa's sister with a scalpel, naturally. After making a glowing purplish line across her midsection, you're prompted to hover a crystal ball-thingy over the belly and -- poof! -- out comes a baby. You'll wave a second magical instrument over the incision to erase said line and also melt off any of Anna's extra baby weight. (If only it were that easy.)
After you saw through the umbilical cord, the bubbly, tears-free newborn is whisked to a scale, where s/he clocks in at a healthy 7.9 pounds. (Side note: There's no telling what the kiddo's gender is, since his/her genitalia is concealed by a trio of pink flowers. This is as inexplicable as the Kenny G slow jazz playing in the surgery suite. Is she delivering in a spa?) Finally, the happy family is together, and they look remarkably pulled together: Anna is bright-eyed and alert, Kristoff's wearing full military regalia, including medals; and the baby is expertly swaddled, thanks to you.
Weird even for an game, right? While I can look past the artistic license the creators took, I can't understand why they felt their target audience would be a bunch of girls. Maybe times have changed since I was a kid, but "happily ever after" was sufficient for my friends and me. We were okay with a ride off into the sunset or a life-changing kiss at midnight. It never crossed our minds to help deliver our heroine's baby -- seeing two sisters ice skating together at the end was enough of an ending for us. But I want to hear from you: Think you'll play "Anna Gives Birth"? Why or why not?
Bonus: There's also an "Elsa Gives Birth" game available, once you get bored with "Anna Gives Birth"! (H/T to our Facebook follower Kendra Ann R. who mentioned it!)
Bonnie Gibbs Vengrow is a New York City-based writer and editor who traded in her Blackberry and Metro card for playdates and PB&J sandwiches—and the once-in-a-lifetime chance to watch her feisty, funny son grow up. Follow her on Twitter, Pinterest, and Google+
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Update (1/22/15) This post was updated with information about the "Elsa Gives Birth" game.
Screen grab of app courtesy of Frozen Anna Gives Birth