Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard's Birth Stories Have Nothing in Common
He told Ellen DeGeneres, "There's a sheet, and then [doctors] go, 'The baby's here,' and then you peek around the sheet, and they're lifting out the baby — but then you notice your wife is completely disassembled. I can see inside of her. I was like, 'It's a girl! Your liver's out, I think! And those are definitely intestines. And she has your eyes. Oh, my God, put her back together correctly!' After seeing this autopsy, I would rather see a school bus drive out of her vagina."
Yeah, that sounds about right.
So when mom Bell sat down with DeGeneres on Monday, I was expecting echoes of the same horror story, or at least one bad enough to elicit a sympathetic "ooh" from the audience. Instead, the chipper actress waxed poetic about the experience, especially the comfortable numbness that comes with an epidural. "It was kind of a wonderful experience for me," she says (h/t Daily Mail). "While they were doing it, I actually thought, what else could we get done down there? Maybe lengthen the shins? I've always wanted to be like 5 ft 7 in. Just anything to keep the epidural flowing."
Huh? How could America's Cutest Couple have such night and day accounts? Were they both in the same delivery room? Is one of them fibbing? Has Bell forgotten all about her labor pains? (A crock if there ever was one.) If I had to guess, I'd say none of the above. Having a baby is like any other event, in that your perspective of it depends entirely on how you experience it. While I remember sleeping and crying through all 23 hours of back labor, my husband's memories are mostly fetching me ice chips and fielding worried texts from our family and friends. Like any good tale, every birth story has two sides -- and a baby in the middle.
But I'm curious: How much of your labor and delivery do you remember? And how different is your partner's account? Tell us in the comments below!
Bonnie Gibbs Vengrow is a New York City-based writer and editor who traded in her Blackberry and Metro card for playdates and PB&J sandwiches—and the once-in-a-lifetime chance to watch her feisty, funny son grow up. Follow her on Twitter, Pinterest, and Google+