Have you guys heard about Gender baby food? It's made entirely from ingredients naturally grown in our society! And it comes in 12 awesome flavors, including Anti-Gay Grape, Submissive Spinach, Perverted Peas, and Big Boys Don't Cry Carrots!
"When it comes to early development in children, we believe that feeding your kids the gems you were fed in your childhood is the best way for them to grow up in these changing times," the company website explains. "In fact, our leading formulas have been tested with a large percentage of boys and girls, who through slut-shaming, homophobia, and misogyny, inspiringly show us what gender perfection is today. Let your boy behave like a man, and let your girl use her looks to get ahead. In our current society, there is no better way to succeed — and it all starts with Gender."
And, you know, Diet-Til-You-Die Tomatoes.
Okay, so this is obviously satire. And it's brought to you by The Anxiety and Depression Association of America, an organization working to cure anxiety disorders and depression in children by creating a world "where boys can comfortably play with makeup without worrying about making their daddies mad, and where girls can be as aggressive, compelling, and bossy as they want to be without it reflecting a negative image on their femininity."
"Research has found that forcing kids to adhere to what society considers 'masculine' and 'feminine' can be detrimental to their physical and mental health," the website states. "In fact, the constant pressure to keep their everyday life in line with society's gender norms produces significant anxiety, insecurity, stress, and low self-esteem for both boys and girls.
With product copy like: "Breadwinner Pudding will smoothly transform your little boy into his future wife's ATM. Let your boy live by the motto 'money puts the M in man,' because soon he'll learn that without him, no one in his family will retire," the faux website's in-your-face methodology definitely gets the point across that, as parents, we are the role models. Our babies will grow up to emulate our attitudes and behaviors, which means change needs to start with us.
Or, as the website puts it: "Stop feeding gender stereotypes to your kids. Start feeding openness and discussion."
Now pass me those Musclehead Mangoes.