A: Ah, the extended-family discipline dilemma -- does it help to know you're not alone? Most of us struggle with this issue. It's about family customs and communication patterns. In some families, it's OK to voice your preferences and set limits. In others, it's not so easy. First of all, know that it's OK for your child to get used to the fact that different adults have different approaches to discipline. Your child can understand this, and as long as it's not abusive, an aunt or uncle setting limits won't psychologically damage your child.
But this is more about YOU setting limits in your family of origin. Perhaps you're taking the opportunity to set limits you never did as a child yourself, or simply setting the rules for your own child. If you decide to speak up, be rational, matter-of-fact, and straightforward. "Auntie, our daughter is used to getting down from her chair after she's done eating. We don't force her to wait for everyone to finish. That's our rule." You may have to repeat yourself several times (and not lose your temper). If the limit-pushing continues, it is your choice about attending future gatherings.