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Dealing With Grief

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-You're watching bettertv.com. -At some point in our lives, we all lose somebody that we love. It could be a brother, a sister, a parent, a spouse or even a best friend. Well, mourning can be a long and difficult process, and it's different for everybody. Today, Marni talks about grief in a story that has touched as all. -Missing someone you love causes pain that is unimaginable for those of us who are not going through it. Our very own Holly Resnick recently lost her husband. And her and her four children are seeing pain that they've never seen before. We thought it would be appropriate to talk to an expert today about the grieving process. -My name is Amy Polin, and I'm a licensed Marriage and Family therapist. Fifty percent of my practices marriages and families, and the other fifty percent is working with individuals on number of different issues, one of those being grief. -My co-host Holly is one of my dearest friends and she just lost her husband. Can you explain a little bit about the process that she may be going through? -One of the things I want to kind of work through in helping you understand the process that Holly will be going through or might be going through in her own timing of course, is I'd like to go through the 5 stages of grief. The first stage is Denial. And what this is, is this is the body's way-- the body and the mind's way of numbing the emotions to a certain extent. And this is a protection mechanism. This is in my opinion, a gift, because as human beings, we are not capable of integrating intense emotions such as the lost of a spouse all at one time. The second of the stages is Anger. This is a difficult stage for people that are not typically used to out, really expressing their anger. This is a very normal, natural stage. This is really, really important that the clients or your friend recognize and understand that she has permission to be angry in whatever way that anger comes out. The anger might look like crying and beating a paddle on the floor. The anger might look like, she doesn't want to get out of bed. She might isolate from everyone she knows. The third stage is often appears to be a bit irrational and it's called Bargaining and it might sound something like your friend either internally or externally saying something like, if I change my behavior or if I do something better, would the lost go away or when you take away the lost? The fourth stage is Depression. In my opinion, this is by far, the most painful phase or stage for a friend to support a grieving friend in. This depression is raw, intense, seemingly unbearable pain. The final stage of a grieving process is Acceptance. And this is a delicate, and yet very, very important phase of the process because what a person is grieving or the spouse does during this phase is they are accepting the finality. They're accepting the fact that their husband, their spouse, their love with our friend will no longer be a part of their life. They're saying goodbye to the past. And looking out your friends need or what she might need or not need from you. It's very important to realize and recognize that when a person is grieving the lost of a spouse, they are often incapable of identifying what their needs are. So, if someone is asking then, what can I do for you? What do you need? They don't often know. They're in a deep dark cold. They're drowning in the ocean. So if you have and need to do something, do it. You can expect that one day-- one day down the road, your friend will laugh again. Your friend will go and have coffee with you and you will talk about the memories and the good times and the bad times. But your friend will love again. -Every week, Holly and I come to you with an intention to inspire women to live their best life. And I promise you, Holly will be back to celebrate hers.