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Are Late Bedtimes Bad for Kids?
Here's a confession: My husband and I allow our sons, ages 4 and 5, to do something that many parents would consider as harmful as serving them candy bars and soda for dinner. We let them stay up late, every night.
Before you question why a terrible mother like me is permitted to write for a respected family magazine, let me hastily add that my boys, Cy and Jack, aren't yet in school full-time. So even though they're wriggling into their Batman pajamas and snuggling up for a story just before 10:30 P.M., they can -- and do -- sleep late each morning. Altogether they get 10 or 11 hours of shut-eye a night, which, experts say, is about right for children their age. Their bedtimes fit our household schedule. My husband gets home from work late, we eat dinner late, we play late, and so on throughout the evening.
Some of my friends and relatives have tactfully questioned whether such a late bedtime is good for small children. I typically respond by saying my kids seem fine -- goodness knows, no one ever complains that they lack energy. Still, the persistent questioning (with its undertone of disapproval) left me wondering: Could my sons be suffering any harm? To find some answers, I turned to the country's leading experts on children's sleep habits.
I found that most sleep specialists, not surprisingly, are unenthusiastic about late bedtimes. As several pointed out, this schedule is toughest on Mom and Dad. "In most families, parents just aren't going to have the energy to deal with a 3-year-old at 10:00 P.M.," says Judith Owens, M.D., director of the Pediatric Sleep Disorders Clinic at Hasbro Children's Hospital, in Providence. "Parents need time to themselves."
Still, I persisted: My husband and I get our private time over coffee and the morning newspaper instead of at night. If that's okay with us, is it okay for the kids? Well . . . as Dr. Owens and most of the others hesitantly allow, there's probably nothing intrinsically harmful about letting kids stay up late, provided -- and this is the crucial part -- that they go to bed about the same time every night and get enough sleep overall. As Dr. Owens explains in a more clinical way: "The duration and the regularity of the sleep-wake cycle are the most important factors in a child's having a quality, restful sleep."
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I totally agree. I think that as long as a child gets enough sleep and shows no fatigue or strange behavior. When your children don't have a schedule. It's o.k. if they borrow yours.
10/26/2011 03:00:04 PM Report AbuseMy daughter is only 16month old, she goes to bed between 10:30 to 12:00 My husband comes home late from work and so do I on the 3 days I work, so her sleeping habits are perfect for us because we get to spent quality time with the baby every single day not just some days. I know for a fact I can't function properly if I wake up around 6am like some moms do, I'm a night person so I know that if my daughter would be getting up at that time I would simply be a 50% mom not 100%.
9/26/2011 04:22:27 PM Report AbuseTwo year old goes to bed around 1030 every night. There is never a problem putting him to bed and he stillngets his 11 hours of rest. My husband runs a bar therefore he is a night owl as am I. I have much more fun spending ti,e with my son at night than at 6 am. Thisnworks for our family and I believe every family is different and you should do what works best for yours.
9/14/2011 10:48:23 PM Report Abusesarabear, dont worry kids blame you for all,til its safe for them not to. that can be when they are old and grey. and hardship that it was my kids went to bed at 8 yes, eight. they are all night owls.when my son visits and i get up at 4:30 to make my coffee. hes just going to bed, sometimes hes working on his computer or talking to friends in the wee hours. a global society. different time zones. electricity. light bulbs.
8/28/2011 10:33:54 AM Report AbuseI think this story is great! I too get complaints about my kids staying up late. Everyone feels they should be in the bed by 8. HA! Im not a morning person so if my kid goes to bed at 8 the will be wide awake ready for breakfast around 7. That is not my thing on my off days so I say let them stay up late so mommy can sleep late. It doesnt matter as long as they get at least 12 hours and I get 7 -8hours of rest.
8/22/2011 06:02:04 PM Report AbuseMy oldest daughter is in now in her 30's. During her first year, my mother babysat and I worked. We put her on a sleep from midnight to noon schedule, which gave me time to see, care for her, and play with her at night. End result is that she has always been a night-owl. To this day she still blames me for this problem. In their early years, you are forming your baby's life time habits--how to walk, talk, eat, and sleep. Think carefully when you decide what to do.
8/22/2011 05:18:48 PM Report AbuseI only wish that you had a magazine for parenting 'tweens and teens. It's quite challenging and frustrating. I find them to be argumentitive and bossy. Patricia W.
8/22/2011 01:49:14 PM Report AbuseI always opted for a late bedtime or more so NO bedtime. My boys are 2 and 4 and are not in school or daycare. Why should I stress them and my husband and I out with late night struggles and fights. On their own my kids go to sleep between 9 and 10 and sleep until 8 or 9 am. My hubby and I get up at 6:15 so we have quiet time every morning. It works for us and bedtime has never been a battle! Your routine should work for you and your family not for the neighbors up the street!
8/22/2011 01:37:57 PM Report AbuseI understand that when kids are not school age it might not seem bad to put them to bed later when they are allowed to sleep in and get their 10-12 hours of good sleep. As an anonymous submitter stated though, what happens when they start school and are in a habit of going to bed at 10 or 11 pm? Is there a way or a time that bedtime should be transitioned to an earlier time?
8/22/2011 01:17:16 PM Report AbuseI say do whatever works for your family. People will always have opinions regarding how you may or may not do things in your family. At the end of the day if it work for you that's all that matters. A nice quiet cup of coffee in the morning with the hubby is so worth it.
8/22/2011 10:37:08 AM Report AbuseI used to feel guilty about letting my kids go to bed late but, it works for our family.
5/18/2011 12:17:05 PM Report AbuseMy son does not go to bed until 10pm - 11pm. His dad and I were divorced when he was 6 months. Due to this, son's father's parenting time is set from 6pm - 9pm twice during the week. This causes us to not get home until 9:30pm and by the time he winds down, it is 10pm or later. Therefore, that is his bedtime the remainder of the week as to not get him off schedule. I feel it is healthy as long as he is getting the sleep he needs. Plus, I am a Night Owl...maybe he will be, too :-)
6/2/2010 11:15:25 PM Report AbuseI used to fight with my DS to get him to sleep. I really struggled! Rocking him for hours every night. I nearly got a sleep trainer to assist me to force my child to sleep. Then finally I decided to let DS try to sleep on his own, he happily fell asleep at 2100! He does wake up at 0800 - as he is not at school at the moment. My experience has taught me that every child is different & every situation is unique! You must trust YOUR instinct ¿ not try to follow what you have been ¿told¿ is right.
10/20/2009 09:54:20 AM Report AbuseMy daughter is 2 1/2 and I let her stay up till 10 somtimes later.she is perfectly fine and sleeps till 10-11 am.I enjoy that quiet time in the am.She used to go to bed at 8 every night it slowly got later when her uncle and cousin moved in with us her cousin was 6-9 months older,she was allowed to stay up as late as she wanted once my daughter new that her cousin was up no more 8 pm bed time even if i put her to bed at 8 she would play till 11-12 somtimes even as late as 1-2 am!
10/4/2009 08:01:18 AM Report AbuseI think it's a good idea to start breaking them into earlier bedtimes so that by time they start school it won't be such a hassle. The drawback for me is that my six year old wakes up early even on the weekends when I want to sleep in but the routine helps. Nothing will be perfect but anything to make your life a little easier.
9/30/2009 12:41:10 PM Report AbuseMy children sleep late too. I am doing better at getting them on a schedule. They wake up late and get their naps in during the day. Some of my friends that have their kids in bed early also have kids that wake up early. I do agree, sometimes they intrude on our late nights when we want to watch a movie or too that are not kid friendly. But we have great quiet mornings.
9/30/2009 10:21:32 AM Report Abuse