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10 Ways to Stop Yelling
Let's face it: Young children can be as exasperating as they are adorable. And parents are only human. When a 1-year-old upends the dog dish for the third time in one day despite your pleas, it's easy to become irritated and yell. But raising your voice is a losing battle; it doesn't discourage frustrating behavior and ultimately gets everyone more upset than they need to be. And then, of course, there's the guilt -- and who needs more of that?
That's why we're offering up 10 tips to help break us all of this very bad habit. Try them out. Then let us know how they worked by logging on to americanbaby.com/parentingchallenge. Hopefully all of us will end up speaking a little more softly and feeling a lot less stressed.
1. Stack the odds. Does it drive you crazy that your toddler likes to dump every foodstuff known to man on the floor? Chances are, if he can't reach the cereal and rice boxes, he can't pour them out. Basic babyproofing is a real sanity saver; the more intact your sanity, the less you'll yell.
2. Tune in to yourself. Make note of when you're most likely to lose it and troubleshoot accordingly. Is it first thing in the morning before you've had your coffee? Then get your husband to play with your child while you savor that first cup of the day. Or buy a coffeemaker with a timer that starts brewing before you wake up.
3. Lower your expectations. If you find yourself yelling at your kids all the time, you may simply be expecting too much of them. There's only so long a baby can sit crammed into a car seat or a toddler can walk in a mall. Acquaint yourself with what's developmentally appropriate and then tweak your actions; one hour-long trip to the supermarket rather than hours of errands will reduce whining, and by association, yelling.
4. Just whisper. It sounds weird, we know. But if your child has to strain to hear you, he's less likely to tune you out. And it's nearly impossible to sound angry (and scary) when you're speaking softly.
5. Be strategic. Find ways to accomplish stressful tasks without your children in tow. If all of you lose it in the grocery store, shop for groceries online after they're in bed -- or even head out to the store after nine, when it's empty and you can shop quickly and efficiently.
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I can really appreciate these tips. As a young mother of two, I find myself yelling @ my 5 year old like my mom did to me. she still has major accidents almost everday and I feel like it's only to hurt me. I take them personally but I shouldn't. She's 5 not 15. Our children need us to learn from our parents as they will learn from us. Thank you for your article. My mantra is "Dont be like your mom!"
4/7/2011 04:30:52 PM Report AbuseThese are good tips, but many of these I cannot use. I do not have anyone else to watch my children while I drink my coffee or so I can go to the grocery store. Where ever I go, my children are with me. I do not have a day off and do not have anywhere for any four of them to go. The two oldest go to school but it is stressful mornings and stressful all day at home with the other two. Any additional tips?
3/30/2011 02:05:22 PM Report Abusethe whisper is a good method. and also explaining what your kid(s) did wrong and putting them in a timeout can work. which also gives you time to cool off. but every kid/parent is different and some methods don't work. and let's face it, we are all human. sometimes we just blow up.
3/30/2011 07:29:13 AM Report AbuseI really appreciate this article right now. I am just coming off of a 2 week stretch where my husband was home for under 2 of those days. Managing my kids, the puppy, and our household absolutely saps all of my patience. After a week I start to lose my patience and yell at them-then cry, which makes it all worse. Thanks for the reminder that there are so many other, better ways to communicate and discipline.
3/29/2011 04:25:46 PM Report Abusereally yelling doesnt help i shouted at my daughter last night n she began to cry and i couldnt bear it that she is crying because of me n it was terrible i couldnt control my self n i cried for almost 4 hour when ever i looked at her it was jst i couldnt stop it, so really if i could manage my anger
3/29/2011 12:21:05 PM Report AbuseI find talking In a lower tone actually scares my daughter even more she stares at me and wonders my problem is that she understands everything , she is a smart kid, and tries stuff to hit on my last nerve ...she is only 21 months old.
11/3/2009 05:30:33 PM Report AbuseThere are truly times when I have my stressful days from work, my husband and other life issues. The last thing on my mind is taking the frustration out of my son. Being truly calm and deciphering every situation prevents me from blowing up and taking the negative behavior towards my son. Instead, I try to realize that he is growing everyday and his actions are signs of growth and more awareness.
9/30/2009 05:16:31 PM Report Abuse