The Great Spanking Debate

What people seem to be forgetting that are commenting is spanking or any other punishment does not teach the child what they SHOULD be doing. You must do that by being a role model and reinforcing their good behavior. For people who say this doesn't work I don't believe they are doing it correctly then.It is the parents fault if the child misbehaves if they aren't teaching them.

I want to know how these experts are evaluating how these kids act. Are they treating a child that was truly beaten the same as someone that got a swat on the bottom for doing something dangerous? Because the only people I know that are aggressive and violent are people that came from exceedingly violent homes, not from an occasional swat like I got. I want to see this research.

I think it depends on the parent: The ability to NOT spank is much harder than it is to just lash out and smack your kid. I've wanted to so many times and even almost bit through my lip to prevent me from doing so, but I have never laid a land on my kid to help "teach him a lesson". I think parents should be psychologically evaluated before they can bring their children home from the hospital.

The government and the so-called pediatric experts need to stay out of the lives of the American people. Let us raise our children as we see fit. There are always going to be those who abuse their children, whether it's physically, verbally or sexually. They are committing a crime and need to be dealt with. Leave the rest of us, those parents trying to raise safe, healthy, decent human beings, alone!

I spank my child for one reason only. So he will remember forever that something is unacceptable. I save it only for situations that are extremely dangerous ex:I spanked him once for running in the road. Since it isnt over used it makes an impression and I plan on using the same approach with my 2nd child too when she is older. I use the time outs for general behavior but some things need to be learned the first time and never forgotten.

Such as "If you go out on the ice, I will spank you"(thin ice is no bueno folks...) or "If you steal from the store, I will make you return it and apologize for what you stole." or the ever popular "If you use a bad word, I will wash out your mouth with soap." Seriously, I see kids these days with Zero respect for parents, teachers and society as a whole and it makes me sick. Above all, kids really need to learn control before anything else.

But I have never been aggressive, and I don't lash out in anger. Ever. From all the experiences I have had thus far in my life, I think spanking is OK, when done only in extreme situations and in calmness with an explanation and clear consequences for actions.

Fast forward to 4rd grade, my step father beat me mercilessly for every little wrong, no matter how trifling. There was no fairness in the punishments I got. I hated the world, I was always scared and nearly committed suicide on several occasions. I'm now 22 years old, serving in the military as a computer specialist, working on my bachelors and I'll say turned out fine, albeit a few lingering emotional issues from not feeling good enough.

Growing up with two different parenting styles, here is my take on the matter. I was spanked a total of three times. Twice by my father and once by my grandpa. I deserved every spanking I got. More often than not I was getting soap in the mouth or a grounding/time-out. I had clear consequences for each action. I was very well-mannered and respectful by the time I was in preschool. I was also very happy and I loved my family.

choosing the metod or combonation of methods to raise your child is a personal decision parents have to make. both sides have valid points but neither work perfectly. parents must know themselves and there children to apply the corect strategy,and all advise should at least be heard.it is also important to understand what abuse is be it mental/emotional or physical and if you are crossing the line get help.

My dad spanked me once for something I had done, age 10, that could have been harmful to others. When it was explained, I was truly sorry. Then, he spanked me, and I felt much less sorry. Just saying. www.grandparentoptions.com

No question that parents/caregivers need to be in charge. There are alternatives to physical punishment. If someone hasn't had role models who discipline/lead in positive ways, that may not come naturally. Instead of defending hitting, take time to learn other ways of teaching/limiting children's behavior. Goal: go from "parental control" to self control--a long process, going forward, stepping back. www.grandparentoptions.com

Saying that spanking leads to child abuse seems similar to saying that drinking alcohol leads to alcoholism. I don't think people would be willing to throw out all alcohol because there are some people who become alcoholics, nor should we. In the same way, those of us who use spanking as discipline should not be lead to believe by the "experts" that we are doing something wrong.

I think it is a shame that "experts" are now saying that spanking is not a valid option. There are many of us who use spanking when our children do something they know is wrong and they know where the boundaries are. I have never spanked out of anger, I spank because I love my daughters dearly and it is very important that they learn to obey.

I think it is time our society stops listening to "experts" and start using some common sense. We put way too much confidence in these experts, each person reacts differently to the same thing. We are not exactly alike so I do not understand why these experts are supposed to know everything.

A small slap on the hand of an inquisitive toddler goes a long way in keeping that child safe. A swat on the behind of a wondering little one reminds them to stay close to mom. As kids get around 7-8, then you can take away privileges and explain consequences to them, but not little ones.

Spanking is the best way for most children to understand that what they did was wrong and NOT acceptable. Spanking is not beating it is (or should be) a form of punishment. I see kids in public that I would love to spank so the rest of us would not have to be around such brats.

Any positive taken to an extreme becomes a negative. That includes spanking and non spanking forms of discipline. We have all been frustrated by parents unwilling to effectively parent and appalled by story's of parents using physical abuse. Let your Yes be Yes and your No be No consistently and use what ever means of discipline that is effective with your child - but never in anger or with disrespect!

Obvious: Do NOT hurt your child. You want to show RESPECT and NOT FEAR. I was punished this way when growing up, and it was obvious that I did not have the same love towards my parents like my friends who were never beaten. I still remember those days and I don't like the memory. I will NEVER hit my child. There are much nicer ways of teaching a child from right to wrong and they are just as effective.

Is anyone else irritated by the lack of any warning that comments must be "500 characters or less (sic)? Every other web site with such limitations provides a running tally of space remaining! Parents.com tells you only after you waste your time writing.

It's interesting that the after a headline stating that "many experts" believe that spanking does more harm than good, the story itself explains that the American Academy of Pediatrics argues against using corporal punishment "in any circumstances." That's a long stronger than simply "many experts", which implies that there may be a lot of disagreement among professionals. There is not.

If we all lived by the bible which was written for us by our Lord God who created us then we would not be confused as to how to discipline our children. If we live by his word , we would have better, more disciplined children. Please read the bible folks!!!

Proverbs 13:24 Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him. Proverbs 23:13-14 Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die. If you strike him with the rod, you will save his soul from Sheol. Proverbs 29:15 The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother

The fact of the matter is, if anybody who was spanked when they were little grew up without having any of these conditions - well - good scientific skills will draw you to the conclusionssion -> spanking is NOT the cause!

If you spank or hit your child - YOU ARE AN ABUSER!

I try not to spank but sometimes it depends on how severely they do something that is wrong and if timeouts or anything else is even working at that time. It depends on where you spank and how hard and how often you do it that it could possibly become a problem and not be right to do in my opinion. The kids who are becoming more aggressive as they get older or mental health problems or anything else the parents must be doing something else wrong.

Spare the rod spoil the child. Spankings are necessary when needed. No one said beat your child, but they do need disciplined. I am a Kindergarten teacher and I can tell the difference between the children who are disciplined and those who aren't.

Never was spanked as a child, never spanked my own children, never used time outs except for myself... instead taught respect, redirected, modelled proper behaviour, found a quiet voice and direct eye contact made a big difference and set out clear expectations and logical consequences...mine is a different mindset from someone who shames, belittles, mocks or hits their children.

My grandparents said in their day there were NEVER tantrums in stores and children were disciplined. I would NEVER have disrepected my parents the way that I see children disrespecting adults today. I don't see the shift in ideas relating to more well-behaved children. Quite the opposite. Feel the need to defend this position, wait another 15 years. "Experts" will probably be saying something different by then.

ok people spanking is NOT same as abuse. u do it gently with out anger to get the point across. and people have depression not from being spanked but from "time outs" in their rooms with nothing to do and in chairs and being sent to bed early like some people on here wrote. kids can go crazy from that not from spanking. if u spank a child they'll calm down and do their thing if u put them in a room and take away things for them to do its like putting a person in solitary confinement in prison.

All children (including my beloved daughter) are master manipulators. It is, in fact, a survival tactic. As such, discipline starts from the moment they are born. However, I will not resort to violence to "calibrate" my child. I started using discipline from day one and started using time outs at 1 yr old. along with positive reinforcement and other non-violent methods, and have had good results. Is my child perfect? No. But I do get a lot of strangers that commend my daughter's behavior.

I think that spanking and other forms of mild corporal punishment have their place in disciplining young children. It is a last resort when merely 'taking the hand away' or time out have worked despite several tries. It gets a child's attention and stops them in their track, at that age when they are likely not to understand complicated explanations or even logical consequences and have poor impulse control.

Unbelievable there is still a "debate" about this. How many more decades until everyone realizes spanking it's wrong? It doesn't matter if it works or if it leaves no long-term traumas. It still doesn't make it right.

Spanking is the biblical way to correct your children.

I use spanking as one of many forms of discipline. I've read the so called experts 'research'. I don't beat my child, I don't spank over every little thing. I give him clear, consistent boundaries. He knows when he's doing wrong and I give him warnings first before any discipline. Most of the time, a time-out is all that is needed. Because I'm willing to spank and I'm consistent with our rules, I expect I will rarely need to actually spank my son.

every child is different. the trick is to know how ur child responds to the spanking. are they more defiant or compliant? i was spanked from 1-19 and i am more compliant and have a great relationship with my parents. my sister was spanked WAY less than i and is now way more defiant and has a rocky relationship with my parents. It really just depends on the child's mentality.

From my experience and my mum's rare spanking or raising the voice may work if it does not happen become routine... it surprises the kid not used to it who will see it as a warning or a lesson for the future... remaining consistent in their behavior/actions such as both parents saying "no" in front of the children, and never surrender to a tantrum will work better... I believe a child will not surrender to tantrum if they tried it and it did not work the first time.

I agree with bljohnson21 but I will also say it has to be done in the right way and time, every child isn't the same for example when I was growing up spanking was the only thing that would work on me but when my parents had my sister the only thing that would work was time out.

I too often hear "I was spanked and I'm just fine". Sometimes that is true, sometimes not. A lot of people think they are fine when in reality, they do have issues with depression, etc. For those who really are just fine, I would say you are resilient. I was physically abused as a child and I am just fine now too, but I would never advocate the kind of abuse I suffered. So much is unknown about resilience; it's a wild card variable. Why take the chance your child might not be very resilient?

Hitting a child, vs a calm discussion and getting 'licks' are not the same thing. Citing two statistics side by side does not make them correlated. That is junk science. Keeping calm in ANY form of punishment is the most important part of it - if you 'lose it' when even ignoring your child - they will realize your anger and take it onto themselves. Self Control in the parent will then be taught to the child. Logic prevails - always.

tantrums "I want this TOY NOW" and yadda yadda. Those kids need a spanking and a good talking to, then afterward a hug, but I believe spanking should stop also after a certain age it doesn't work, once the child knows right from wrong- age 4ish. My son gets spankings for misbehaving or doing dangerous things, he actually listens (he's 2).

boundaries. My 1st was never spanked as a child, she became extremely defiant and hard to handle when in public. We started spanking her as she was older and it just made her worse, so we stopped because it was something she hadn't grown up used to she was too old (4 yrs old) Ive seen it a million times children throwing

"spare the rod spoil the child." I believe that there are other ways to discipline children, putting in the time out chair, putting to bed, taking away privileges.. but the truth is and I see it with my 2 kids, If you do not spank them when they are doing something wrong as a small child "2-3 years" and im talking a swat on the butt, they won't learn to respect your authority. They test your patience and

When children are spanked, the thing they learn is that when they make their parents mad, their parents will hurt them. Spanking does not teach them what they did wrong or what they could do differently the next time.Toddlers are learning everyday, and if they learn that they will be physically hurt when they upset their parents, how can you expect them to understand that when their sibling or peer upsets them, it's not okay to physically hurt them.

Discipline starts at a very early age. This is where most parents fail. They start by slapping hands instead of taking the hand away and talking. Kids are smarter than people give them credit for. They can manipulate at an early age. You need to teach them to communicate verbally in a quiet manner. This will build strong relationships with you and later in their lives.

I let the child choose the punishment. I ask her, "Based on your actions which you know are not good choices what do you think we should take away from you for a day (or another amount of time matching the offense) and she usually picks something worse than I would have suggested. I can then reduce the punishment and therefore seem lenient. I always work to stress the unconditional love.

I do not think it is ever ok to smack a child in the face, or hit them with anything other than a hand. Occassionally, I have had to spank my all 3 of my children, but it is more of a pat to get their attention. I do not leave any kind of marks, nor do I use a wooden spoon or a belt. I believe in taking away priveleges and using time away methods. It gives them a chance to cool down on their own terms. Once they have calmed down, we briefly discuss what happened.

I won't ever resort to violence with my child. Spanking IS a form of violence. I teach my child compassion, patience, and love. I teach her non-violence.

Spanking, very simply put, creates an environment of conditional love. A spanking says subconsciously that I don't love you when you misbehave; in fact I hate you enough to hit you. Other non-violent ways of discipline help to create unconditional love building trust and self-esteem, attributes a child needs to develop fully and healthfully.

What is best for one family is not best for another. There are so many differences in families and child rearing techniques that someone, even an expert, cannot dictate how ALL parents raise their children. I personally believe spanking is OK followed by reason and discussion between parent and child, but it becomes a problem when you have parents that do not know the difference between discipline and abuse.

my 3 year old granddaughter told her mother & i that daddy & his girlfriend hit her little butt with a belt & it was all red ! we flipped out! they will be having a custody hearing soon & i'm going to bring it up.

I feel the article does not discriminate between spanking butt versus the face. I am a single parent, ex thinks it is OK to slap our child on the face as consistent discipline. It is humiliating when they are slapped on the face and extreme long term ramifications for a child's psych & emotional well being. I see more anger towards me when he comes back from being with his father. Also it is considered abuse in the courts here.

My mom spanked me alot when i was a young girl but my dad was there to balance it up by talking to me in a positive way. My dad never lay his hand on me or wack me with wooden spoon, he made me turn out good today.Spanking a child to much makes a child have low self-esteem. Alot of parent abuse it.

I have been spanked a couples times in my lifetime, I'm 25 now. I can honestly say that I only remember being spanked, by my mothers hand, 3 times probably past the age of three. And let me tell you I know that I deserved it! I didn't need spanked more than that though, both myself and siblings knew that if our mother got to the count of 3 we would get a spankin so we NEVER let it happen. When she'd call us for dinner or tell us to do something we did. I believe because

of this and her other parenting skills I was raised with manners and respect for adults and my peers. I now have an almost 3 year old and an 8 month old. I can say my daugher has been spanked and AGAIN by spanked I mean a little pat on the butt. Before the age of 1 she knew what "no" meant and would crawl away from whatever it was that I said no to. I had another mother whose son was a week older than my daughter say how in the world does she listen to you like that. I simply said whenever she

would start to climb up to the tv I would say "no" and pat her butt. Kids are SMART!! She quickly put two and two together that the shock of the pat on the butt (with a diaper on) and the stern "NO" that she shouldn't do it. It's not rocket science, kids want their parents to be proud of them. My daughter still gets little pats or time out depending on where we are. If we are out in public where I can't put her in time out she will get a spanking and she knows it. I just hate to see people look

at me like I am some horrible mother for even threatening it, which 9 times out of 10 works so I don't have to follow through. But I believe that is the key to parenting, you have to follow through with the punishment no matter what it is. If I was such a horrible parent would I really be out at McDonalds with my kids? Come on people everyone has the right to punish how they want and if you don't agree that is fine, but there is a HUGE difference from giving a spanking and beating your child!

Spanking is not necessary. Implementing the same concepts that are applied to adult lives, if we do something wrong no one is going to hurt us or inflict pain, however, we will lose privileges. Parents.com gives guidance on how to handle unruly children, to remind them that if they want to do / have X they will need to X. To teach them if they misbehave/don¿t follow the household rules they will lose privileges is a great way to prepare children for the way adult life will function!

I spank my child on the butt with my hand when she tells me no or I have to ask her not do do something a couple times. Smacking them in the face or anywhere else except for the butt I think is wrong (abuse). When I was little we would get hit with a wooden paddle with holes drilled into it. My mom even broke it over one of our butts. I would never do that to my child. But one good smack on the butt with my hand usually fixes the problem for the rest of the day if not days in a row.

My son is like my sister, I get results when I talk to my son. I point out facts and consequences, such as playing at school instead of doing his work. If the work comes home, play time gets cut. The one time I have spanked him, when he took off at the big store. People were not supportive of him, but of me as the parent who had a child that could have been taken out of the store by another person.

Imagine what it is like to be a special needs parent, with cognitive difficulties that means my kid has a harder time behaving because he doesn't understand what is going on? He is unable to speak at the age of 10, which makes talking to him about behavior even harder! And yet I managed to have a well behaved child without resorting to hitting. If I can have the self control to discipline a child like that, so can the parent of a normal child.

Why was only one view presented if "experts" are divided? Spanking is not "hitting" which is lashing out in anger. Beating, hitting, screaming, etc are not acceptable disciplanary methods. Spanking however, is controlled and planned. A home should be peaceful and loving and whatever discipline works best for each child should be utilized to help them become the wonderful adult they should be. *PS* I was spanked as a child and would hardly be considered aggressive in any way.

I'm not really sure why this is still a "debate" when behavioral health research has demonstrated that corporal punishment is less effective than other forms of discipline and can put children at risk for unfavorable outcomes. Many people will say, "I was spanked and I'm fine." Good for you, but that is not research, that is your personal anecdote. There are plenty of things that people, "used to do back in the good old days," that doesn't make them right.

I agree that spanking should only be used as a backup to other methods of discipline. This is what I do and it works for me. My children are not going to become criminals or depressed or any other ridiculous thing because of spanking, mind you spanking and not abuse.

As a member of a family which was recently destroyed by the thoughtless consequences of corporal punishment. (spanking a six year old girl. Not ME, another member of the family) I would agree with the article whole-heartedly. The best of intentions can quickly escalate. My wife was a pre-k teacher before her death. Rules must be adhered to. My son refused to listen. The child suffered. Please, think before you strike a child. for, any reason.

PhDeverit- You are kidding me right? What a load of brown business!!! That article just absolutely infuriated me! Parents mag is so soft it's amazing the pages aren't made of fluff! I find it funny that this issue was accompanied by my notice that my subscription was about to run out.. DRAT! I'm pretty sure I'm done reading this nonsense!!!

Of all the things prison inmates lacked in their upbringing, "spanking" certainly wasn't one of them. There is simply no evidence to suggest that child/adolescent/teenage-only "spanking" instills virtue.

In 31 nations, child corporal punishment is prohibited by law (with more in process). In fact, the US was the only UN member that did not ratify the Convention on the Rights of the Child. The US also has the highest incarceration rate in the world. The US states with the highest crime rates, poorest academic performance, highest obesity rates and health problems, poorest economic ranking, and largest public welfare burdens are also the ones with the highest rates of child corporal punishment.

Currently in the U.S.: When an adult does it to another adult, its sexual battery: http://hamptonroads.com/2011/12/va-beach-restaurateur-pleads-guilty-sexual-battery: When children do it to adults, its a "deviant sexual prank": http://www.theday.com/article/20101207/NWS04/101209750 When an adult does it to a person under the age of 18, its "good discipline".

Plain Talk About Spanking by Jordan Riak http://www.nospank.net/pt2010.pdf The Sexual Dangers of Spanking Children by Tom Johnson http://nospank.net/sdsc2.pdf "Spanking" can be intentional or unintentional sexual abuse http://www.nospank.net/101.htm

Research/recommended reading: Spanking Can Make Children More Aggressive Later http://tulane.edu/news/releases/pr_03122010.cfm Spanking Kids Increases Risk of Sexual Problems http://www.unh.edu/news/cj_nr/2008/feb/lw28spanking.cfm Use of Spanking for 3-Year-Old Children and Associated Intimate Partner Aggression or Violence http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/cgi/content/abstract/126/3/415 Spanking Children Can Lower IQ http://www.unh.edu/news/cj_nr/2009/sept/lw25straus.cfm