Q+A: Can I Prevent My Grandson from Becoming Obese?

Q. My daughter and her husband are seriously overweight and pay no regard to what my 2-year-old grandson eats. I feel he's destined for a lifetime of obesity and health problems, and in short, that this is a form of child abuse. What can I do? Is it my place to say something, and if so, what do I say?

A. You are right, and a good grandmother, to be concerned for your grandson's future health; some experts have noted that thanks to rising rates of childhood obesity, our children's generation might be the first to see life expectancies lower than those of their parents. That's scary. But put the brakes on for just a second before using the term child abuse. Lots of us see, in our own family or among friends or even strangers in the local park, examples of parenting styles we find icky or misguided or wrong. But that does not mean the child in question is being abused. You are in a particularly tough spot being the grandmother because you obviously have only the best interests of your grandson at heart.

You ask if it's your place to intervene. Hmm. Not really -- if by intervene you mean snatch the lunch your daughter prepared for her son away from him. That will cause angry and hurt feelings (to say the least) and may get your Grandma privileges revoked. Saying something, though -- if done with the utmost care and tact -- is your place.

You might start clipping articles from magazines about healthy foods for kids and use them to broach the subject of nutrition with your daughter. Whatever you present, keep your tone light, neutral, and nonjudgmental. And when the family is at your home, serve healthy meals and snacks. Note how the baked chicken nuggets you made are consumed as enthusiastically by your grandson as the fast-food kind. And if you happen to be babysitting, take your grandson food shopping with you and let him "help" (or at least watch) you cook. It's been shown that kids who see the good stuff modeled for them end up  eventually -- making good choices themselves.

Copyright © 2008. Used with permission from the April 2008 issue of American Baby magazine.

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