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Why Toddlers Always Say "No!"
Three-year-old Max Colby doesn't like to wear underwear or short-sleeved shirts. His mom, Andrea, would love to know why -- but Max can't quite explain his objections. "All he does is rip his clothes off and yell 'no, no, no,'" she says. "I have no idea how to handle it."
If you think that you and your defiant toddler are constantly sparring like this, you're right: A recent study in Child Development showed that 2- and 3-year-olds argue with their parents 20 to 25 times an hour! You may get exhausted just looking at those numbers, but there is an upside to all the showdowns. "Kids this age are realizing that they can assert themselves, and arguing with you is one way they gain confidence," says John Sargent, MD, a child psychiatrist and professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Baylor College of Medicine, in Houston. Remember: The world is still a big, mysterious place to your toddler, and he feels pretty powerless in it. Saying no is a normal, healthy way for him to feel as if he has some control.
Still, constant conflicts aren't fun, and they're often tricky to solve. Giving in sets a bad precedent, while being too strict or forcing your child to do what you want can make him feel helpless, scared, angry -- and even more defiant. Try these strategies to turn your talking-back toddler into a "yes" kid.
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Wow! what an awesome resource. My wife just see me this link. Our son is right in this stage. Funny, I think my "no" stage kicked back in between the ages of 12-22! We do make a strong effort to give our son redirection when he's doing something dangerous or disruptive. Thanks!
12/6/2011 03:17:20 PM Report AbuseMy neice is 23 months and has started saying no. I love that she knows what it means, and that she can express what is ok with her and what isnt!
11/3/2011 12:46:27 AM Report AbuseI loved the articles. However, it was really annoying that to comment I had to sign up, put all of my personal information and my baby's name. I just wanted to thank for the articles, for crying out loud! And, really, dads are also interested in the welfare of their babies. So don't assume that I am a "mom" when signing up!
7/27/2011 10:20:20 PM Report AbuseReading this article makes me smile. My 22 month old is constantly saying "NO"... I use a calm voice and say "Come here baby, please". And he comes with ease. I love these articles, they help me to understand my son a lot...
5/17/2011 03:18:27 PM Report AbuseI loved reading this article along with the others on this site. My grandson is just 13 months today and he has already been telling us 'naw' while shaking his head no!! It is the cutest thing ever but, I've noticed the temper tantrum he sometimes throws when mom picks him up. Thanks for these guidelines, I am sure we will use them daily.
4/1/2011 07:53:25 PM Report AbuseDear -->>>>>kenyetta_hghs Your child I promise you, if you spanked him would not understand he would just become afraid of you. Before the age of 2, children do not have the capabilities of understanding that hitting hurts.. You just have to ignore it, or if he does it tell him it hurt (use the sign for owie) and if you are holding him set him down, or, walk away. At around 2 its okay for time outs. Its NEVER okay to strike a child!
3/22/2011 04:05:39 PM Report Abusehelpful and informative, especially for new and/or inexperienced parents!
3/22/2011 02:41:26 PM Report AbuseTHIS ARTICLE HELPS ALOT!! PEOPLE THINK THAT AND EVEN MYSELF THAT TODDLERS SAYING NO IS GROUNDS FOR DISIPLINE.
3/9/2011 07:59:07 AM Report Abusethey say no becuz most parents are quick to say it to them first,they bang sumthing u tell um no no ,they pick sumthin from the floor where your at an the first thing out moms mouth is no,no,no, dont touch,no,no,no
2/1/2011 12:08:59 PM Report Abusex cv v v
10/26/2010 11:59:59 AM Report AbuseMy son is only 13 months and has been saying no since he was about 11 1/2 months old. If you offer him something and he does not want it he will say no no and shake his head no at you. Recently he started pointing his finger at you and saying no. We have been working with him on speech since he was about 8 months and I think that is why he says more words than most kids his age.
9/28/2010 11:17:20 AM Report AbuseMy 15 month old daughter has been saying no since she was about 13 months and I think my husband and I hear that word about 10,000 times a day from her its so funny b/c sometimes she wags her little finger at us. I pretend to chestise daddy for silly things like pretending to bite the couch and she thinks its hilarious so now her little finger wags at us all the time...I got a feeling I set us up for trouble later :).
8/4/2010 11:45:46 PM Report AbuseMy baby is 22 months, she has been using NO when she was 16 months. Sounds so sweet that time, but when she was 19 months its begin over using no, i ask her for bath, she said no! Or she used to like share her food to me n daddy but now, she will yelling no no no! when we ask her food. Few days ago she starting said yes.
5/27/2010 11:56:48 PM Report AbuseMy son is 15 months old and he doesnt say anything but da-da. When he woke up this morning i said " Good Morning" and he slapped me right in the face. I didnt want to spank him because i know he's still a little baby but i need another way to discipline him. Do you have any suggestions? besides couseling
4/29/2010 01:02:16 AM Report AbuseMy son is 23 months old. He walked up to me this morning and told me no and kicked me in the shin for no reason. Last Saturday he was playing in the car while I washed it. I made him get out and he trough a fit. 5 minutes later he came inside yelling no and hit me and walked back out.
4/27/2010 11:46:09 AM Report AbuseMy son is 16 months if you ask him to give you something he yells no,no,no and makes a dash for it.Also if you are offering something and he not interested he will say no. When he started saying no I knew he was on his way to having conversations with me.
4/21/2010 07:08:04 AM Report AbuseLol. My 15 month old says "No No" only it sounds like "Neh Neh" to my husband, to me, and our daughter. He had to get shots yesterday and after it was over, he threw his sippy cup and my phone on the ground, began to fuss at me (don't know what he said but he looked angry) and at the end said No, No.
4/20/2010 11:59:40 AM Report AbuseMy daughter is 16 months and has been saying it for a fe months. She is even at the point that she puts a different emphasis on it.
3/31/2010 06:32:29 AM Report AbuseMy daughter is almost 15 months and she hasn't said no yet but she'll shake her head no. She says something that sounds like no so maybe she is saying it
3/30/2010 05:09:14 PM Report Abusemy daughter also started saying no at 15 months - and it was hilarious because she said it so softly - totally unassertive. I realise it's because I would say no softly as well! I believe giving them another alternative to what they are saying no to is a good idea.
3/9/2010 11:34:53 AM Report AbuseMy son is 2 1/2 years and he doesn't like to wear any clothing. When he gets home and at the sitters he start with his shoes down to hs shirt. He also like to pinch and say NO and very, very active. It is stressful at times but I have learned to deal with it.
2/24/2010 05:51:24 PM Report AbuseMy son is 22 months and doesn't say now. Pretty much ever. but that's because we don't say "no" to him either. Instead I will say "the water cooler is not a toy" or "instead of playing with the water cooler, you can play with your bus or your book." People are shocked when they hear that my son doesn't say no. I think it's fantastic :)
2/23/2010 06:15:22 PM Report AbuseMy daughter started saying no at fifteen months.
10/8/2009 07:34:19 AM Report Abuse