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How to Stop Your Child's Whining
Almost from the time my daughter, Elizabeth, could speak in sentences, she whined when she didn't get what she wanted: my attention, a snack, a repair job on a faulty toy. When she turned 3--and suddenly seemed like such a "big girl"-- her continued whining started to drive me crazy. I'd mutter angrily under my breath, clench my teeth, even whine back. Once I lost control and screamed "Shut up!" so vehemently that she burst into tears. But more often than not, I'd let her have her way just to make the shrill sound stop.
Like nails on a chalkboard, whining--an irritating blend of talking and crying--has the ability to make almost any parent get angry or give in. And preschoolers are pretty smart: They know that pleading in that pitch has a strong effect on their parents.
A whiny child, however, isn't deliberately annoying or spoiled. Whining is often the only way that young kids can express themselves when they're tired, cranky, hungry, uncomfortable, or just don't want to do something. Although 3- and 4-year-olds' language skills are rapidly improving, they still don't have the vocabulary to describe all of these feelings, explains Michele Borba, Ed.D., author of Parents Do Make a Difference (Jossey Bass, 1999).
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What should you do with whining if your toddler doesn't have language yet? Mine is only 17 mos and has only a few words. I can't tell him "use your words" because he doesn't have any. But he sure knows how to whine! I'd love some tips for dealing with whiny in pre-verbal toddlers.
11/10/2009 10:53:30 AM Report AbuseI-feel-like-whatever-i-do,patience,talking-in-a-calm-voice-i-get-nowhere-with-my-three-yr-old.Im-a-young-mom,and-is-always-looking-for-advice...some-people-tell-me-let-her-cry,spank-her,put-her-alone-in-her-room...nothing-works,and-those-suggestions-just-makes-my-daugther-more-angry.Sometimes-she-even-becomes-violent-and-disruptive-when-she-cant-get-her-way-which-is-really-embrassing.My-daughter-is-extremly-intelligant-and-beautiful-but-a-HUGE-brat...any-suggestions?
10/28/2009 03:43:06 PM Report AbuseMy son is 7. He whines to get my attention so that he can make a pitch for what he wants. I especially hate it when he says, "PLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE", but I resist the urge to scream "Shut up" (I have physcially had to bite my tongue to do this) and just ask him to use his words because he is too intelligent to whine. If that doesn't work, I ask him not to whine. If he persist, I crank up the tunes if we are in the car or go into another room if we are at home. He gets the message.
10/8/2009 04:35:51 PM Report AbuseWhen ever my child whined about being hungry, thirsty or wanting to get his shoes on, I would stop him and tell him how to ask for what he wants without whining and make him do it correctly. Once he asked correctly then I would get him a drink or what ever the request was. While this taught him how to use proper language it did nothing to stop his whining. The reason, he still got my attention. I'm planning to start the above 4 steps today and see how it helps.
10/8/2009 08:30:52 AM Report Abusei cant stand the whinning at any age. my daughter is 31 months and whines and i put a stop to it asap. i do just about what this says to do. i cant even stand to see other kids whine and cry in the store. when i disapline my daughter out in public/stores i get told that its nice to see other moms that dont just give in and they tell their kids (who are older the mine) see im not the only "mean" mom out there.
10/7/2009 01:40:58 PM Report AbuseI personally didn't have a problem with any whining per se when my children were this young. BUT my soon to be 9 y/o does this. Right now I am using a sticker reward with him. An entire day *and yes..the entirety*, he earns a sticker without whining. He didn't earn one the other day and that was that. I am doing the 21 day to break a habit system, let's see if that works. Anyone else that can touch on this with older kids, PLMK!! thanks!
10/7/2009 01:04:23 PM Report Abuse