Keeping Family Issues Private

Q: I have two very outgoing boys, ages 3 and 5, who love to reveal personal things about our family to anyone who will listen. How do I teach them about tact and help them understand what things are and are not appropriate to share with others? I don't want them to feel like everything about our family is a secret, but some of their revelations have been rather embarrassing for my husband and me.

A: When you talk to the boys about the privacy of family or issues that one wants to keep private, be very specific. Even do some play acting, going over subjects to show them what might be appropriate and not appropriate. You play them, and let them be the strangers. Then you're showing them quite concretely what's inappropriate and appropriate. Children are often confused by parents making general or ambiguous statements such as, "don't tell others private things," when they don't know specifically what's private. If the problem were to continue after you've had this type of conversation with them, I would examine whether there is another motivation involved, such as a desire on their part to embarrass their parents. But being specific with them should work.

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