Every time you announce you're expecting twins, people want to know if you had IVF. Is it rude to tell them to MYOB?
In a word, no. "Remember, whether or not you used fertility treatments is your personal health information," says Dr. Eddleman. "You should have no qualms about saying you aren't comfortable discussing the subject." If you don't want to be so blunt, try one of these vague answers: "It's funny, people always just assume we did IVF because we're having twins," "This is God's will, what can I tell you?" or "You know, more than 25 percent of twins occur naturally."
Your final option: Tell the truth. "These days, it is so common for couples to undergo fertility treatments that there really isn't a stigma attached to it," says Shieva Ghofrany, M.D., an ob-gyn in Stamford, Connecticut.
Your mother-in-law asks if she can be in the delivery room during your baby's birth. You don't want her there. Help!
You may escape this one unscathed by first checking with your hospital. Some have a limit of just one person (usually the husband) in the delivery room at a time. If your hospital's rules are more lax, let your mother-in-law know how you feel. Explain that you consider the birth a private moment between you and your husband, and that the fewer people in the room, the calmer the experience will be for you. Perhaps you can offer her some sort of consolation prize, like suggesting she be the first loved one (after you and your husband, of course) to hold the baby.
For that Mommy Dearest who insists on witnessing the birth, your final option is to make the medical staff do the dirty work. "We regularly see relatives or friends who overstep their bounds and infringe on a pregnant patient's turf," says Dr. Ghofrany. "If it makes your life easier, pull a doctor or a nurse aside and ask her to clear the room." She can convincingly come up with a little white lie about your elevated blood pressure, for example, to get everyone out of your face.
Originally published in the November 2008 issue of Parents magazine.