Pregnancy Etiquette Guide

My husband and I went years with infertity issues until finally conceiving through IVF. I'm 28 weeks pregnant now. My worse moment was going to one of several baby showers where there were 4 pregnant women present. At the end of the shower they lined up the pregnant women for a group picture. I never felt so isolated. It took everything I had not to break down and cry right there. I don't know what it was about that paticular moment, but it was awful.

I stuggled with infertility. We did IVF 3 times before we got a positive pregnancy test. All of my firends and cousins had children before me. I was always excited to hear the news. Don't be nervous to share!

Don't abandon your friends simply because it is your time to have a baby, but be understanding if they need to take some space from you in order to take care of their own feelings and needs.

that we can do is to listen to and pray for each other. There is nothing that you can say to ease the pain of infertility for those people who are experiencing it, and there is really no way to fully understand unless you have been there yourself. That being said, celebrate your blessing as the incredible gift that it is. cont...

It's painful to live with fertility issues and have those seemingly never-ending monthly reminders that now is not your time to have a baby. The dreams and hopes and simply the desire to have a small baby of your own nestled in your arms can be at overwhelming at times. We all have to forge our own lives, create our own paths and live through our own challenges and as much as we may wish we could make things better for those that we care about, often the most cont.

Also, I've been really sick with my pregnancy and on meds for HG. So to say "Oh you're so lucky, to even get to go through that", makes me really upset. Because while I couldn't eat/drink without getting sick for months and was so worried about the health of my baby that I was having anxiety issues, I didn't feel so lucky and I wouldn't wish that on any woman. Sorry but I just don't like the double standard of taking an infertile woman's feelings into consideration but not a pregnant woman's.

I have a friend who finally got pregant after years of trying and a couple of miscarriages. She never wanted people to feel sorry for her or walk on eggshells and she shared in the joys of our friends having babies. There was a lot of emotional stress/depression but she wouldn't tell anyone not to be excited about being pregnant around her. I'm not saying to "rub it in", but to leave a friend out of the experience because of their infertility would just make it worst and make them feel left out.

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I do not agree with the advice of waiting to tell your boss if you think it will interfere with a promotion; it is illegal for a company or your boss to NOT give you a promotion because you're pregnant

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i had told my boss early on in my pregnancy because he caught me during a bad day of morning sickness he thought i had the flu wanted me to go home or see my dr so i told him i was pregnant he told another manager who announced it to my whole department about a week later, i was very upset with him for doing so i didnt want to share my news for a few more months.

So the best advice I can give when dealing with an infertile friend is sometimes you just need to shut up and let them vent, cry or just talk. Tell them that while you can't understand what they feel, your there for them and be understanding if sometimes they just can't stand to be around for your pregnancy related stuff.

It's hard to find people to relate to or talk to about your feelings when your dealing with infertility and like I told my MIL when we finally got pregnant and she said. "Oh I told you as soon as you quit worrying about it it would happen." I NEVER STOPPED WORRYING ABOUT IT!!! It was more that instead of thinking about it all day every day. I thought about it all day every other day. Every month was like the death of hope and I suffered deep depression over it.

I think sometimes pregnant women feel entitled to disregard other's feelings because they are excited and happy. I know that now that I am pregnant I am excited and happy, but unless you've been through the utter devastation of infertility you'll never know the depth of the pain we feel, and the loneliness of that feeling is profound.

It didn't work out that way believe me. But the worst one... the one that made me want to punch this girl in the face was... "Yeah we got pregnant on the first try!" I didn't like her much anyway and she knew very well that we were trying for a long time so that was an extra stab to the heart.

The worst things I heard while trying for over 5 years to get pregnant, were... "Well you could always adopt" as though that doesn't cost enormous amounts of money or "Stop thinking about it so much" or "Relax" I also hated when people said that it could be contagious, or when people handed me their babies an said that holding a baby could help me get pregnant.

I too experienced infertility and a baby boom around me made me want to jump off a bridge at times. I was never so depressed as when there was 7 pregnancies in my office, and numerous FB status updates with ultrasound pictures. Con't..

I am so tired of reading about pregnancy etiquett on our end, seriously. Why should I be concerned if I offend family who can't keep their mouths shut or attempt diplomacy when a stranger touches my belly. If I chew them out it will satisfy my preggo rage and spare the next pregnant soul from the violation. Like I care if I embarass someone...they should be! This really makes me angry...

Another bit of advice, wait for your struggling friend to ask you about your pregnancy, before spouting off the latest preggo news. The biggest thing I can think of is NEVER COMPLAIN about your aches, morning sickness, getting fat. Your friend would gladly trade her size 0 frame, her health, her ability to keep food down for a child.

It took my husband and I 10 years to conceive. I appreciated when people told me they were pregnant over the phone. I was always happy for them, but It's hard to hide your hurt face when someone "makes a special point to tell you."

xtking: I'm glad that worked. For many women, "relaxing" is the key to pregnancy. But for many (like me), there are physical issues that can't be fixed by relaxing. It was hurtful when people told me to "stop stressing". Unassisted pregnacy was medically impossible. People should leave diagnosing to drs. I wish pregnancy WAS contageous- I had a LOT of pregnant friends while I was being treated. When I finally got pregnant, it was because of a skilled dr, the right mix of treatments, and prayers.

DON'T joke about their infertility, that's as insensitive as you could possibly get. Don't try to hide your pregnancy:your friend will be happy for you- she clearly loves babies, or she wouldn't be trying so hard to have one. But also don't make it the sole topic of conversation in your life, or you may find her distancing herself for awhile. Just act around her as normal as you can. Be sympathetic- especially if you know it's the time of month where she may have had another "no".

People who have infertility do NOT want to experience every bit of pregnancy with you. During my treatments for infertility, the most painful thing I dealt with was jealousy of friends who were conceiving so easily.I had to stop looking at their blogs/facebook, and sometimes had to stop seeing them for awhile because it was too painful to hear how much they felt fat/uncomfortable/had morning sickness. Those were things I WANTED so much. I hated feeling jealous, but I also couldn't it.

I do not think anyone has the right to just come and touch you regardless if you are pregnant or not. Is it suddenly ok to touch people just because they have a condition. What if people starting rubbing cancer patients bald heads. Just because you are pregnant does not make it excusable. I am pregnant with my 2nd and I did not like the belly touching then or now. I think people should respect another's personal space.

Pregnancy does seem contagious, doesn't it? It seemed like a handfull of women around me got pregnant shortly after I did. I honestly wonder if there's anything to that. They did a medical study and women who spend a lot of time around one another will start cycling together on hormonal ques, so who knows? If you're trying to conceive, maybe you should hang out around some of those already sporting a bump. :)

I have had friends that unintentionally made comments that were hurtful when my husband and I were going through fertility problems. I also see the importance in acknowledging a friends exciting moment. There is a fine line though. I had some friends that were completely incapable of talking about anything but their pregnancy and then breast feeding after the baby was born. A nice, how are things going in your world would have been nice.

I personally feel nice when my close friends touch my belly...I know they are only doing it out of affection...And if they wana feel my baby now, imagine how affectionate they will be towards him/her after birth!

I'm normally around 130 lb and have gained about 20 so far and I've had people tell me: you're 7 mo? but you're SO tiny! At first, I felt judged a bit, but I know my body and I am confortable with where I am... besides with my first I gained 30 lbs and he weighed 9 lbs, 8 oz.! just smile and accept it as a compliment :)

People are always telling how small I look for 7 months. I spoke to my gyno and she said I have the perfect size and to tell people to go to medical school. lol

[b]xtking07[/b], that's pretty much how it went for us, too. Even down to the 2 dogs! :)

i live in an area of the country where superstition runs high. if there is something that is desireable or not very common (ex: blonde hair, colored eyes *not brown and especially in young children, pregnancy) it is custom to touch the object that you desire so you don't give that person the evil eye. Evil eye, by belief, causes something bad to happen. So, even though it annoys me sometimes for people i don't know to touch my belly, i know they are only trying to do what they think is right.

I was one of those girls that never thought I was going to get pregnant. I didn't go thru fertility treatments. I tried naturally for years. Finally, I told my husband that I didn't want to try anymore. I also figured that my 2 dogs were going to be my "children". I missed my first period ever the very next month. I guess I took all the stress and pressure away and it finally happened. People tell you to stop trying...that's when it seems to happen.

tired all the time...OMG

I think that all of our friends are individual people and may handle things different from another. I think the best way to handle this is to share your joy with them if that is what they feel comfortable with. Continue in your support for them and what they are going through. And if you still feel uncomfortable, sit them down and talk out your feelings. I think any person would rather have some uncomfortable moments, rather than losing a friend for 9 months or longer.

I'm not really sure you ladies have been thru infertility. Those of us that have do not want to live vicariously thru YOUR prgnancy. We want our own. Joking it may be contagious? Really?

Share in her hope and don't pity her. Worst case scenario,your pregnancy may vicariously be her closest experience with child bearing. Don't make it more or less enjoyable on her behalf. She'll only feel awkward if you do.

All I can say is this; if you have a friend who is struggling with infertility, she will surely be ecstatic for you. Her grief will not be lessened or worsened by your joy. Grant her the opportunity to celebrate with you in normalcy. Maybe even joke that you might be contagious.

Thanks for the advice. This has always been difficult for me, because I have a friend who's been trying for seven yrs. and nothing has happened, even with fertility treatments, and I'm expecting our 5th baby without even trying. We're both in our forties, now, and I never know what to say when we're together. I'm excited for my growing family, yet I feel awful that she wants a baby so badly and it doesn't look promising.