November 12: Day 10
As if being Mr. Audrey weren't threatening enough to my masculinity, Kirsten's and my roles are now officially reversed. I'm the one who's home all day, and I must admit, I feel especially needy when my wife comes home from work. I find myself expressing hopelessly generic feelings like, "We don't spend enough time together." And Kirsten, in turn, tries to downplay my problems -- she doesn't want to think about any trouble at home because she's too busy with work issues (and her own separation guilt about Audrey). She reminds me of me, when I was at work.
Half the problem is I'm both isolated but never really alone. During the day I'm either with Audrey or cooking for Kirsten and me. I have no free time for myself. I feel a little lost, and I miss my male friends. To help me out, Kirsten arrives home early tonight so I can see my friends Chris, Dimitri, and Pete.
But a few minutes before I leave, Pete calls to cancel because Dimitri can't make it. "Can I come over to your place anyway?" I say. Pete thought he was doing me a favor by letting me off the hook, but I am really craving adult interaction tonight.
So I go. Conversation is slow, but I am determined to make this work. I fire question after question at Chris and Pete, swerving out of conversational dead ends until the talk flows freely. I really need this. Allowing myself a night out helps remind me that I'm still me.