Posting the Video
A week after I had Tripp, I posted a PG version of the birth. It's personal, but there's nothing graphic. Before I get the epidural, you can see my face tense up with the contractions, and I'm gripping the bed rail in pain; afterward, I'm smiling and calm, laughing and joking with Layton and the nurses. Then you see me pushing quietly (I wasn't really a grunter), with Layton supporting my head. My legs and belly are mostly covered, although you can see a bit of my thighs. The nurse catches Tripp as he slides out after one last push, then I cut to that astounding moment when I first looked into his eyes and held him. The video has been viewed more than 800,000 times!
I felt great about the comments I got from women saying my video eased their fears about birth. They told me it was reassuring to see how supportive my nurses were, and all the joy on my face and Layton's. One woman wrote: "That was awesome to watch. I'm even more excited now to know what to look forward to when my husband and I finally get pregnant!" Another viewer was so inspired by my video that she named her own son Tripp.
But there were negative comments, too, which floored me. Home-birth advocates branded me a coward for having an epidural and not giving birth naturally. People even called me fat and said Tripp was ugly. I was tempted to take down all the videos and quit vlogging forever. I was used to getting negative comments about my weight, but the first time a viewer said something catty about Tripp, I got really upset. How could a person be so awful as to attack an innocent baby? I cried to Layton and told him I wasn't sure the videos were such a good idea anymore. I wanted to delete everything to protect my child.