Labor & Delivery Advice for Dads -- from Veteran Moms!

You're scared of seeing your wife in so much pain. You're afraid you'll be useless. You really have no idea what to expect. Dads, here's advice for you, from veteran moms who know what really happens during labor -- and how you can help.

There's no rush to get to the hospital. You may feel more at ease if your wife is there during the first phase of labor, but if you show up too early, they'll just send you home. And home is a much more comfortable place to be. She can eat and drink, walk around freely without being hooked up to an IV or monitor -- even grab a nap in her own bed. (And so can you!)

Know your stuff! Pay attention during your childbirth education classes. Learn about the phases of labor, what's happening to your wife's body, and the reasons for a c-section. Knowing what to expect will make the experience less terrifying for you. Your staying calm and focused will help your wife.

Be prepared to kill time. Your wife will have several hours of increasingly painful contractions until it's time to push. Depending on whether she gets an epidural, she may need your help walking the halls, as it often feels better to keep moving. (In addition to the casual clothes you've already planned for the big event, don't forget to wear really comfortable shoes.) Bring along distractions, such as a deck of cards, a boom box to play music, or whatever you think might take her mind off her increasing discomfort.

Don't freak out if you're asked to leave the room. This may happen if your wife gets an epidural. Being asked to step into the waiting area doesn't mean anything is wrong; it's just standard procedure in many hospitals.

Monitor the contractions. Your wife can't see the contraction monitor, but you can. This means you can talk her through the contractions, describing when they're about to peak and start subsiding. Narrating what's going on -- when one's starting, when it's ending -- may give her a sense of control.

Go with the flow. All of the breathing exercises and massage techniques you learned in childbirth education class may go out the window once your wife is in the throes of labor. Some women don't like to be touched, others appreciate a back rub or deep massage of pressure points. Your wife might find the breathing and relaxation techniques helpful... or she might become downright hostile if you don't stop the counting immediately.

Hold up your end during the pushing stage. The reality: If you wife pushes while lying on her back, you will most likely stand on one side of your wife, the doctor on the other. Supporting her under the shoulders, you will each bend back one of her legs to get her in the right position for pushing.

Be her advocate. You've discussed the kind of birth you both want and know your wife's feelings about drugs, c-sections, and so on. The realities of labor may cause her to change her mind. On the other hand, the doctor or nurse may try to pressure her to agree to an intervention she doesn't want and may not need. She may not be in a position to communicate. You know her better than anyone else in the room. Your job is to say, "She'd really like to push a little longer," or "She's at the end of her rope. She wants a c-section."

Plan the best shot. If you're videotaping the birth, some angles are better than others. In other words, don't point the camera right at your wife's crotch, unless you never plan to show this movie to anyone else. Instead, shoot over your wife's (or the doctor's) shoulder. (Be sure to check ahead of time with your doctor or midwife about recording the birth; some don't allow it.)

Expect a lot of blood... and other stuff. Giving birth gets gory. Your wife may even poop as she's pushing. She'll probably make primal noises you've never heard before. Your job, no matter how unsettled you may feel, is to say this: "You're doing great!" Actually, she's not even paying attention to your words. It's your familiar voice and reassuring tone that she's tuning in. One other thing you may find a little unsettling: After the baby is delivered, the placenta pops out. It looks like a huge piece of liver.

Get ready to be amazed. The first sight of your very own baby makes all the other stuff worth it. You'd even do it again.

All content here, including advice from doctors and other health professionals, should be considered as opinion only. Always seek the direct advice of your own doctor in connection with any questions or issues you may have regarding your own health or the health of others.