Becoming a Two-Kid Family

Relationship Changes

Everyone talks about how difficult it is for your firstborn to suddenly have to share your attention. But it's also an adjustment for you. Gone are the days when you could cuddle with your one and only whenever you wanted and concentrate all your mental and physical energy on him. Now you'll have to learn how to divide your focus, energy, and love. That might mean snuggling with your newborn while your big kid isn't looking or reading to your older one while you feed the baby (it's not as hard as it sounds!). Experts also recommend spending special time with your firstborn away from the infant and outside of the house if possible.

Along the same lines, you and your partner might feel stressed because you have less time with each other, or he might feel like you have enough hugs and kisses for the kids but not for him. Keep in mind as your family grows that you will both need help from the other. They key, says Christine D'Amico, a life-transition coach and author of The Pregnant Woman's Companion (Attitude Press, 2002), is communicating. A lot of new mothers tend to feel frustrated and wish their spouses would understand they need to help. Truth be told, they don't know unless you let them. And even if they don't feel they can meet those needs, it may lead to another discussion that could be equally important.