Volunteers Wanted

For Alexandra Sherman, who's 8 years old, just about every holiday has a do-good component. On Thanksgiving, she and her family prepare food and set tables at a nearby soup kitchen. On Christmas, she helps deliver meals to homebound senior citizens. And on her birthday, she chooses one gift to donate to a local charity. "Alex is an extraordinarily lucky kid," says her mom, Melanie, of New York City. "She comes from a family who loves her and can afford to give her many great things, but there are plenty of families who don't have a lot, and I want her to feel it's her responsibility to give back." Indeed, it turns out that 7 to 8 is a great age for kids to start volunteering, and there are simple ways you can help your child get the most out of the experience.

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Experts agree that instilling charitable behavior at a young age is a crucial step in raising empathetic children who may then become altruistic adults later in life. And kids this age are up to the task for several different reasons.

Their World Is Getting Bigger Through school and their friends, second- and third-graders are beginning to grasp that not everyone has the same things they have: Some kids go skiing in the winter, others have never even been on a plane; some have two cars, others don't have one; some have their own bedroom, others share a room with their siblings. "This is the age when they can really get the concept that 'we may not have everything, but we're fortunate to have what we do,'" says Wayne Fleisig, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist at the Children's Hospital of Alabama. It's also the time when kids begin to understand the idea of injustice and unfairness in the world. Doing something for others can make them feel like they're helping, and that feeling is empowering.

They're Better Prepared Physically, 7- and 8-year-olds can do more things -- plant trees and flowers, rake leaves, carry boxes. Intellectually, they are capable of tasks that involve a little bit of thinking, like sorting clothes, packaging three cookies to a bag, or choosing items they've outgrown or will no longer wear to give away to Goodwill. And emotionally, they're beginning to yearn for independence. "Volunteering with an after-school group to paint a mural at a school or sort cans of food for a soup kitchen can feel like a very grown-up thing to do," says Dr. Fleisig. "Kids this age are also starting to become more comfortable around people who are different. Even compared with 5-year-olds, they have made some real strides in that area."

They Have No Ulterior Motive When children are in elementary school, the act of volunteering is all about doing good just to help others and be a good person, explains Robert Rosenthal, communications director for VolunteerMatch.org, an online resource that connects potential volunteers with organizations across the nation. As kids get older, philanthropy can turn into something that's more about getting course credit or getting into college than about the act itself.

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"Even if your child doesn't fully understand the impact of the work he's doing and how he's helping, it's important that he has a positive experience with his first volunteer job," says Rosenthal. "A good initial impression is what keeps kids coming back." However, finding the right opportunity -- meaning one that's both safe and age-appropriate -- may take a little bit of work on your part.

Start Small, Stay Local "Our experience has taught us that simple neighborhood projects always seem to make the most sense for this age group," says Aimee Stone Munsell, mother of two and cofounder of Real World Super-Heroes, an after-school program in New York City for 5- to 8-year-olds. "We will literally walk the kids around the neighborhood so we can see for ourselves what needs improving and who looks like they could use our help." When you do find a project, don't overcommit yourself or your kid. "For a 7- to 8-year-old, about four hours a month is realistic," advises Stone Munsell.

Choose Something Your Child Likes Doing The best way to keep kids engaged in an activity is to find a project that dovetails with their particular passion. For example, if your child loves the outdoors she can rake mulch for a community garden or bag leaves. If she likes crafts, she can make paper flowers for a senior-citizen center. If pets are more her thing, perhaps an animal shelter could use some blankets and extra food.

Make the Results Tangible The acts that resonate the most with kids are the ones where they can actually witness how they've helped someone. "I always tell parents that if their child wants to set up a lemonade stand and donate the money he makes to charity, they shouldn't just write a check and send it off in the mail," says Stone Munsell. "Instead, deliver the money directly to a local shelter with your kid so he can witness the people's appreciation for himself."

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Help your child make the most of each of her volunteer experiences by following these strategies.

Manage Your Expectations It could take days, or even weeks, for an act of kindness to register with your child, and the takeaway may not be exactly what you envisioned. "One year, our class organized a Halloween party at a shelter and my son was part of the group," recalls Stone Munsell. "The party went really well, but a few days later he asked me why the grown-ups were all grabbing for the candy, just like the kids. So I sat him down and we talked about how the people in the shelter didn't have much money to buy extra things, like candy, and that it might be a long time before they get something like that again for themselves or for their kids." It was something Stone Munsell hadn't thought about, but it actually turned into a great teaching moment.

Have a Recap Ask your child how she felt doing the good deed and what she liked and what she didn't. Ask if there were times when she was confused or excited and how she thinks she made other people feel. Once she's had time to mull over the experience, the rewards will definitely start to set in.

Walk the Walk "Show your kids that being a good citizen is part of your everyday life as well," says Dr. Fleisig. For example, when you're in the grocery store with your kid and the cashier asks you if you want to donate $1 to Libraries in Need, do it gladly -- and let him see you. Being happy and passionate about volunteering, no matter how small the act may be, is the best message you can send.

Originally published in the July 2011 issue of Parents magazine.

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