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When You Resent Your Partner

If your partner never seems exhausted, nauseous, worried, or robbed of sexual desire, it's easy to feel resentful. The problem with that nasty emotion is that it snowballs over time. If you perceive pregnancy as all work for you and just a pleasant passing thought for your partner, you'll eventually start seething about every small thing your partner does (or doesn't do) and you'll drive a wedge between the two of you when you need each other most. Take the time now to focus on what makes you feel resentful. Do you wish your partner would notice how sick you are and bring you toast in bed? Are you longing for more foot massages, dinners out, or help with housework? Do you wish he were less (or more) demanding in bed?

Review your expectations and consider whether they're reasonable. What do you really want, and why? Then approach your partner as you would a friend. Tell your partner first about all of the things he is doing right, including the little things (like remembering to buy milk) and the bigger things (like refinancing the house to allow you a longer maternity leave). Have a heart-to-heart about your own expectations, vulnerabilities, and frustrations, with the goal of appreciating each other more as you bring a baby into your family.

Originally published in You & Your Baby: Pregnancy.

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