Mommy Magic: Soothing Techniques That Work

I remember one night when my daughter Lily was just a month old and wouldn't stop crying. When nothing silenced her screams, I took a break from my efforts to soothe her and decided to do laundry. Wailing or not, Lily was on her last bodysuit. I wheeled her bassinet to our laundry area and turned on the washing machine. Minutes later, Lily was quiet. I had no idea why listening to clothes churning had that effect, but I didn't care. I was willing to do laundry for the whole neighborhood if it stopped her piercing howls! And I know I'm not the only mom who'd do anything to calm her fussy child. It's important to remember that crying is your baby's only way of communicating and is perfectly natural, but these wails can be so disconcerting and stressful that they make you want to, well, cry. Luckily, there are plenty of surefire ways to calm your baby. And you don't need much more than her five senses. Here's how.

Keeping your baby's environment as peaceful as a cathedral may seem like a good way to quiet him, but total silence can be unsettling. That's because inside your belly, he heard everything from your voice to the gurgling noises of your digestive system. "Babies are soothed by the sounds they remember from their 'womb days' when their space was confined and they felt secure," says Sandy Jones, coauthor of Comforting Your Crying Baby.

Try this: Mimic the sounds your baby heard in utero. That means droning noises, such as a vacuum, an aquarium pump, a fan, or the white noise of a radio station gone off the air. "The noise needs to be as loud as your baby's crying to get his attention," explains Los Angeles pediatrician Christopher Tolcher, MD. "Then you can tone it down as he relaxes." Heartbeatlike sounds are calming, too, so hold your baby close to your chest. Music can also be helpful. "Whenever one of my daughters started crying on car trips, we'd pop in a Music Together CD, and the screaming would stop within minutes," says mom of three Jill Wilkinson, of New York City.

Your voice is also music to your baby's ears. "Studies have shown that the recognition of a mom's voice begins in utero," says parenting expert Ann Pleshette Murphy, author of The Secret of Play. "Because your voice is familiar, he'll find it comforting." Sing lullabies, or do what Melissa Berman, of New York City, did. "I made up a song to the Barney theme," says the mother of two. "Somehow that seemed to be very calming."

Or you can try to "speak the baby's language," as Maggie Sheffield, with Artist Babysitting, in New York City, does when she's with a hard-to-soothe baby: "I gently hold him and follow his breathing pattern. Then I make soothing sounds that match the rhythm of his cries. Bit by bit, I slow the tempo of my cooing, and the baby slows too."

Distractions help all of us forget our worries, and they can do the same for your little one. Anything from funny faces to a change of environment can take her focus off what's bothering her. "Also, sometimes babies will cry because they're bored and need stimulation, like something new to look at," says Jean Kunhardt, codirector of Soho Parenting in New York City, where she counsels moms and dads.

Try this: Don't worry, your child doesn't need toys loaded with bells and whistles or to go on a special outing. Some experts suggest simply holding your baby up to your shoulder so she can look around from a fresh perspective. Or let her watch an overhead fan or mobile, or take her out for a stroll.

On the other side of the coin, too much to look at may be your problem. "If you've tried everything and your baby is still miserable, she may actually be overstimulated," Kunhardt explains. In this case, put her in her crib, dim the lights, and let her cry a bit. Stay nearby, but wait about ten minutes. You may be pleasantly surprised when she settles down and drifts off to sleep. (Overstimulation and becoming overtired often go hand in hand.)

Baby felt cozy and safe during those nine months in your belly. Which is why he also loves it when you cuddle and swaddle him. What's more, "during pregnancy, babies experience a lot of motion as their moms walk and move around," Jones says. "Unless your baby is in pain, hungry, or easily overstimulated, motion can usually help him stop crying."

Try this: Cuddling and holding your baby can provide the same close, cradled feeling your little one had in utero. Add a gentle massage with a little baby oil and you may find the solution you were looking for, Dr. Tolcher says.

Swaddling, which means that you wrap your baby tightly in a blanket, can reap the same results. First off, it can prevent a crying spell. But it can also keep a minor crying spell from turning into hysterics. "The more frantically a baby cries, the harder it is for him to turn it down," Jones explains. "Confining his body can help the baby recompose himself."

Some parents swear by basic activities like carrying your baby in a soft front carrier or taking him for a drive in the car. Others find more creative ways to mellow their babies. Judy Hudson, a mother of three who lives in New York City, would sit on an exercise ball and bounce while singing. "The song wasn't as important as the bouncing motion, which did wonders for my twins," she says. And of course, a baby swing or vibrating seat can soothe too.

"The sucking reflex is hardwired into the infant brain," Kundhardt says. "It's also among an infant's most soothing activities and an important way for her to release tension even after she's had her fill of milk."

Try this: Your baby's wails may simply be cries of hunger, so try nursing her or offering a bottle. If your child tends to get fussy after a meal, reflux may be what's bothering her. If so, feed her in an upright position and keep her that way for 15 to 20 minutes afterward. However, some babies have a need to suck even when they're not hungry; in this case, a pacifier can help.

Men love the intoxicating scent of a woman. Babies love the intoxicating scent of their mom. "Babies can recognize the smell of their mother, especially the smell of her breast or breast milk," Dr. Tolcher says. Your scent, combined with your familiar voice and contact with your body, can be all he needs to calm down. "Also, some babies need more body-to-body contact than others do," Kunhardt says. "If your baby is like this, by all means hold him as much as you want or can."

Try this: The how-to for this strategy is pretty simple. Cuddle your baby close to your skin, let him breathe in your mommy scent, and enjoy his sweet baby smell too. Rest your baby snugly against your shoulder, or try the football hold (place his stomach on your arm while you support his neck and chin with the palm of your hand). You may also find it helpful to expose your child to calming scents such as lavender and vanilla. In fact, some baby brands offer washes and lotions in these fragrances for this reason. (But steer clear of too-strong perfumes or scents, which can be irritating.) When my son Jonathan was born, the washing machine trick that worked like a charm with my daughter Lily didn't do a thing to halt his tears. I experimented with other tactics and finally found that a rubdown with a lavender-scented lotion mellowed him out. Now, even four years later, it still does the trick on a night when he just can't settle down.

To new moms, "colic" is a dirty word. "Between 10 and 25 percent of babies develop colic, defined as excessive, unrelenting crying during the first three months of life in an otherwise healthy baby," says Jodi Mindell, PhD, a sleep expert with St. Joseph's University, in Philadelphia. If your baby cries for three hours a day, three days a week, for at least three weeks, the culprit is likely colic. Up to 25 percent of babies are believed to have it, but because it's a behavioral problem of excessive crying and not actually a disease, the diagnosis is very subjective.

Colic's actual cause remains a mystery. Experts once thought that it was a digestive problem because colicky babies often pull up their legs and cry out in pain. But there is no concrete link between tummy troubles and colic. While colicky babies may indeed be more gassy, it's probably the crying that causes the stomach upset rather than the other way around.

The good news about colic: it's relatively short-lived. "Around three months, these babies will seem miraculously cured," Mindell says. Until then, the best remedies are the techniques described on these pages-you just may need to do more of them more often to reap results.