Last week, as I lay in bed trying to fall sleep with a diapered behind smooshed against my cheek, I pondered why it is that children are so talented at sucking the life out of their parents' sex lives.
My kids don't even know what sex is (I don't think, although I may have just jinxed that), but they're like little sex leeches, bleeding the life out of our bedroom activities. It's ironic that they can be so adept at crippling the very act that got them here. As I gazed at my snoring toddler, his head cuddled on my husband's chest, I wondered how I ended up with the suspisciously fragrant end of the deal. Then I thought about how deliberate we have to be in protecting our sex life from falling by the wayside of a busy family life. Here are five ways we do it:
1. Get a Babysitter The only thing better than responsible high school babysitters who will keep your children safe and entertained for a small fee are grandparents. Can I get an "Amen?" Sometimes you just have to drop the kids off at grandma's house so you can go on a date — and where that date takes place is nobody's business but yours. Getting the kids out of the house with a safe caregiver and having an hour to invest in our marriage? Priceless. And while we have yet to do this, there's something romantic and downright steamy about having a sitter come to the house and going to a hotel. Who said date night had to be dinner and a movie?
2. Enforce a "Back to Bed" Policy I've already tattled on myself by telling you about my rounds of nocturnal "Diaper to the Face." I'm not great at standing firm on this, especially when our prospective roommate is endearingly snuggly. My toddler was sick last week, and I had him sleep in our room so I could keep an eye on him. Apparently this was a great adventure, because he's lobbying to make the arrangement permanent. "I siiick," he's begun saying in the middle of dinner. Before I figured out he was crying wolf, this scared me a bit, especially on spaghetti night. Spaghetti puke is gross. But I quickly caught on, especially once he followed up with "I sleep Daddy's room." Aha.
In order to avoid tantrums and a generally miserable end to the evening, we've struck a compromise. We allow him to fall sleep in our bed, and then my husband carries him upstairs when we're ready to hit the sack. So far my boy's kept up his end of the bargain and stayed in his bed once we move him. I have high hopes he'll outgrow this phase soonish, but for now, it's working.