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The Single Mom's Survival Guide
When my sons, Jacob and Isaac, were just 3 and 1, my husband and I separated. As a child of a divorce, I'd always sworn that I'd never put my kids through that -- yet as it turned out, living paycheck to paycheck and trying to do our own growing up while raising a family proved to be too great a strain on our marriage: It bent, cracked, and finally broke.
I flew through the first couple of months after our separation in an adrenaline-powered blur. But things like finding a place to live and paying for it all by myself, taking care of almost all the day-to-day parenting of two small children, and trying to find a job when I'd been out of the workforce since college terrified me. I felt like a flake -- not a strong, capable mother who was going teach her children to succeed despite the obstacles ahead.
Single Moms Need a TribeWhen I was married, we were just like all the other families: our own tiny self-sufficient universe. Even if my husband and I didn't get along, we were both still deeply invested in the minutiae of running our family. Then one day, my best friend and co-parent was gone from my life. Though I had always paid lip service to the "It takes a village" idea, it turned out that, while there might have been some "village" people out there, we had been too wrapped up in our own lives to get to know them.
It really hit me one Friday night. I was driving through a bad snowstorm with my little boys. What if our car skidded off the road into a ditch? Would anyone notice? Okay, that was an exaggeration -- but it's how it felt at the time, and it prompted me into action. I decided to check in every night with another single mom. Then I made a conscious effort to invite friends over for dinner, ask a neighbor to help me move my couch, and chat with the other moms at drop-off. Slowly, my sense that I had a contagious disease lifted, and I found myself expanding my definition of what makes a family. "It's crucial to explain to children that family is defined by people who love us and whom we feel really close to," says M. Gary Neuman, Parents advisor and author of Helping Your Child Cope with Divorce the Sandcastles Way.
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Great and informative article! Thanks for sharing.....
12/21/2011 12:55:12 AM Report AbuseI found the story very helpful and finally succumbed to the idea that it REALLY does take a village to raise a child. Women sometimes don't relize how strong they are until they are put to the challenge; by putting some pride aside and taking help that has been offered is the greatest challenge.
12/8/2011 02:56:11 PM Report AbuseWell, i loved the article and am writing from Nairobi, Kenya just to let you know that these issues are UNIVERSAL
11/15/2011 03:55:10 AM Report AbuseThe reason there are so many articles about single mothers and not fathers is because the majority of single parents are WOMEN. DUH. I mean, really, if you're interested in the "idea" of the article, substitute "dad" for "mom," use the information, and move on. It's not about bashing the other parent, it's about being a good parent for your child.
11/14/2011 12:24:20 PM Report AbuseThe series is good, informative and entirely one sided! Divorce is two adults splitting. There is very little in resources for guys concerning the SAME issues women have. Lawyers do the legal side but that isn't the same. Everyone hurts when a family unit falls apart but it is not only women who end up the single parent raising kids without a partner. A broader view and some compassion would be nice. Women may be the majority population but we are not the only gender.
11/14/2011 12:00:44 PM Report AbuseI agree that there needs to be more articles for single fathers. i found this article very encouraging regardless.
4/9/2011 11:24:20 PM Report AbuseI had a group of parents names sent to me suggesting "you" may be interested in our website for moms. They're trading children's items like, clothes, toys, diapers, formula, coupons, furniutre, food. I think you will like it. At the very least I hope you make new friends :) Please come join us at: www.gailslistawish.org Gail Lambert Founder Gails List A Wish Foundation
9/2/2010 09:43:10 AM Report AbuseCozee2, I completely agree with you regarding the lack of resources for single fathers. I think just having a resource for fathers in this situation could help a lot of dads. As for panthersfan1970 no one was calling you horrible, I am glad you are an independent, strong person, but take it easy. As a single mother I see a lot of deadbeat mothers out there that make the rest of us look bad, but one look at the self-reliant single moms out there and I have complete motivation for a new day.
2/22/2010 12:29:03 PM Report Abusecozee2, I can understand your frustration but you have some NERVE coming here and posting a comment like that. For your information, there are a large majority of single moms who do it by CHOICE (and I'm one of them) and we don't whine "poor little me". I'd rather have NO man around than a sorry one! I do, however, agree that there should be articles for single dads too. I have several friends who are single dads and they do a really good job!
10/20/2009 01:32:16 PM Report AbuseI was wondering where the article is for the Single Dad's. There are several Surviving and Thriving articles for Mom's but why don't Dad's count??? I'm the stepmother of a wonderful girl who has a mother who uses her as a pawn and I'm tired of all these 'poor single mom' articles without a shout out to all the GREAT dads out there. I understand that there are a lot of deadbeat dads out there but it's hard for the wonderful single dads to learn coping skills on dealing with a difficult ex.
10/8/2009 10:49:53 PM Report Abuse