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Grandparents Get a Life
When I was a kid -- which, granted, was way back in the 20th century -- my brother and I would often be dropped off at Grandma Esther and Grandpa Sam's house on the Lower East Side of Manhattan. There we'd spend endless hours bouncing on the bed, listening to subversive stories about dumb things my father did when he was a child, and creating spectacular arts-and-crafts projects involving brown paper grocery bags, pipe cleaners, uncooked macaroni, and Elmer's glue. Weather permitting, Esther would change out of her housedress, and we'd get sour pickles and bialys to munch as we ambled into Chinatown for egg rolls and a Coke. By the time we got back to the apartment, I'd had my fill of food, toys my parents had previously declined to buy me, and the thing I wanted more than anything: two adults' undivided attention. No matter how often my parents left us with Esther and Sam so they could do boring grown-up things or simply catch a break from our manic energy, my grandparents would regularly call and ask, "So when can we see Greg and Stephie? You never bring them to visit."
Just 30-odd years later, grandparents like that seem as rare as rotary phones. My friend Jen says her parents adore their grandsons, who are 5 and 2. They help out financially and attend birthday parties with great pomp and ceremony. But as far as relieving the weary parents with a little childcare, it's like making plans with any other busy couple: They need to sync their Treos and get back to her. Jen's parents write plays and perform in their community theater, operate a cooperative recycling program at the town dump, have an in with maitre d's at all the decent restaurants in their area, and are on a notoriously raucous cocktail circuit.
Other mothers I've spoken to say the same thing: that between world travel, figure-drawing classes, golf lessons, and "me" time, today's grandparents don't come with as many built-in advantages as previous incarnations did. Teaching the kiddies to build a log cabin out of tongue depressors doesn't automatically make it to the top of their to-do list.
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I am very greatful to have my parents involved in my son's life, however, it is their choice to be involved! I wouldn't want it any other way. Would my life be a lot tougher in a lot of area's without them? Yes. But, I would not fault them if they chose to not be his daycare provider. I don't think grandparents who chose to live their lives are selfish.
11/8/2011 09:39:40 AM Report AbuseNew breed does not equal selfish, just different. Most women of my grandmother's generation did not work outside the home and often were not encouraged to have lots of interests beyond home and family. Now grandparents are trying to live life to the fullest which often includes hobbies, travel, friends, charitable work, sports as well as family and grandkids- more power to them!
10/28/2011 08:27:04 PM Report AbuseI don't think all grandparents now are selfish, they're just busy and I don't think busy=selfish but if your parents are selfish you need to think hard about their role in your kids' lives.
10/28/2011 05:00:01 PM Report AbuseALL MY KIDS AND GRANDKIDS WANT FROM ME IS MONEY. I HAVE FOUND A VERY SPECIAL PERSON TO SHARE MY LIFE WITH AND THEY ARE JEALOUS OF HIM. THEY THREATEN TO TEAR UP MY HOME,MY VEHICLE AND TORMENT ME ANIMALS. I HAVE HELPED MY SON FOR 2 YEARS IN EVERY WAY POSSIBLE SINCE HIS WIFE LEFT HIM WITH 4 KIDS TO RAISE AND HE HAS NEVER APPRECIATED ANY OF IT, SO IT IS NOT GRANDPARENTS WHO ARE THE SELFISH ONES
10/28/2011 02:36:22 PM Report AbuseI think it's because the sixties generation are selfish. My grandmother practically raised me. She was always there for me and then she was there for my kids too. My mother was never there and still isn't. too busy living her own life to be a grandma. Her loss!
10/28/2011 11:37:11 AM Report AbuseI can not relate to this story at all since we have guardianship of three of our grandchildren, not all grandparents are "selfish"...we are getting ready to retire and I gave up my job (half of our income) which has depleated us of a lot of our savings and given us concern as to how we will care for them in a few years...maybe you should do a story on how there is no "help" for all the grandparents who are raising their grandchildren and the sacrafices we are making.......
10/28/2011 11:27:32 AM Report AbuseHow about just stop whining and raise your child with all the love in the world? Who cares if grandparents are not around to help? All that matters or should matter is the fact that you were BLESSED to give birth to your child...be with your child every possible second, love your child with all your heart, waste every drop of energy you have to make them smile and take care of them, and stop worrying about whether grandparents are there or not.
10/28/2011 10:52:08 AM Report AbuseWe are not selfish grandparents! We have jobs! We work 40+ hours a week. When the weekend comes around we need to rest up for the next week of WORK!
10/28/2011 10:31:06 AM Report AbuseThat does not help...these new breed of grandparents has to WANT to be good grandparents...they had the help when they needed it!!
10/28/2011 10:26:40 AM Report AbuseI believe the reason grandparents of today are NOT like the grandparents of generations ago is due to pure SELFISHNIESS. period.
10/28/2011 10:19:17 AM Report AbuseI can really relate to this story. I am forty-one years old and my grandmother was the best human being that could have been in me and my sister's lives! My sister had her first child in her twenties and I had my son in my late thirties and due to age and illnesses we had lost a lot of family members. My mother was barely there and when she was there for me and my son it was minimal...I terribly miss my grandmother.
10/28/2011 10:14:39 AM Report Abuse