"Is My Husband Playing Favorites?"

"Should I Be Concerned?"

Q. Maybe I'm hypersensitive, but I'm sure that my husband favors our very charming 6-year-old daughter, instead of our slightly spacey 9-year-old son. I've asked my husband about this several times, but he always says that it is unrealistic to think that we can treat our children equally. In some ways, I think my husband's outgoing personality matches up better with our daughter's enthusiasm, and he's more comfortable with her because of that. But still, it's not fair to my son, right? Plus, I feel like I overcompensate with our son because he doesn't get enough attention from his father. My kids seem happy and fine, but this really bugs me!

A. It's not unusual for a parent to have a favorite child. This situation occurs because, as with your husband and daughter, a child's personality simply meshes with a parent's. Being together for the parent-child pair is effortless. Sometimes, however, it works oppositely. For example, a reticent parent may give birth to an outgoing child. The reserved parent admires the child's ease and confidence in social situations and therefore showers this child with adoration because of this personality characteristic.

Secret Preference to Temperament

Parents, of course, love each child individually, but parents are people with preferences for the temperaments of others. While it would not be unusual for your husband to acknowledge to you that he's drawn toward the character of your daughter, he need never let the children know by his words or actions of his preference for the daughter over the son.

In this regard, it's just fine for you to realize that your son doesn't receive as much positive attention and effortless interaction with his father as your daughter and so then you make up for it. What you and all parents are looking for is healthy relationships between both parents and the children they've produced.