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Just-Right Discipline
You've said no -- it's too close to dinnertime for a sweet. In fact, you've said no more than once. But when you come back into the kitchen, you find your preschooler hanging precariously off the freezer door with a box of Popsicles clutched in her hand.
Do you explode? Or give in and let her have the pop? Either reaction would be normal because your brain tends to operate on autopilot in stressful situations. "But if you respond in an overly harsh or wimpy way, you miss the opportunity to teach your child the skills she needs to do the right thing in the future," says Becky Bailey, Ph.D., author of Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline. It's tough to keep your cool, but it'll be easier to discipline thoughtfully if you've already considered smart responses like the ones for the following situations.
When crossing the street, your 4-year-old won't hold your hand.- Too Harsh "If you can't hold on, I'll pick you up and carry you!"
- Too Wimpy "Fine. But please stay really close to me, okay?"
- Just Right "When we get to the light, we will hold hands."
Holding hands when you cross the street is one of those non-negotiable safety issues. "This shouldn't be a debate. If she refuses, just take her hand," says Lynne Reeves Griffin, author of Negotiation Generation. Even when you threaten to carry her, you still make it sound like she has a choice.
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this is very helpful.i myself is struggling very well with the tantrum of my 3-yr old boy.i will try these tips.
2/27/2011 11:17:22 AM Report AbuseI do like some of these ideas and will try to implement them. But I agree, they are lacking.. such as, what happens when your child doesn't listen to the "just-right"
2/26/2011 01:08:05 PM Report Abusethe 3s are are tough its not the terriable 2s she was alot easier at 2 come 4s lol
2/22/2011 08:47:11 PM Report AbuseI have a 3 year old and iam very patience and clam but after 5 times of ignoring me i have to get harsh for her to listen
2/22/2011 08:42:03 PM Report AbuseNone of these answers are "just right." The only thing that works "just right" for my son is a spanking and to sit him by himself. Absolutely NOTHING else works but to spank his butt.
2/22/2011 02:41:07 AM Report Abuseditto michellelange_75. it oh-so-rarely ends with the "just right" answer on the first try. they make it sound suspiciously simple.
2/21/2011 09:44:50 PM Report AbuseIn the 3rd suggestion, it says separate yourself. Every time I try this, my children just follow me to the next room. I don't know whether I should lock the door (which I've tried and hysteria ensues); but if I don't lock the door, it is impossible to separate myself because they keep following me. My next question-in the fourth suggestion, the article says to let the children work it out themselves. At what age should they be able to do this? I have a four-year-old and a two-year-old.
2/21/2011 02:17:03 PM Report Abusegreat reminder. thank you!
2/21/2011 12:07:47 PM Report AbuseThese are nice and all, but many times, I've said the "just right" thing about 4-5 times and then the "Too Harsh" comment comes out.
1/26/2011 02:51:19 PM Report Abuse