4 Ways to Stop Bribing Your Kids

I have actually been doing this with my daughter for some time...she wants to wear shorts when the weather is warm...but, when it rains or becomes to chilly, I listen to her fuss about wearing more suitable clothes...I tell her to go outside and stand there for a minute and let me know what she 'thinks' she should wear. I give her the choice but, ultimately I all ready know what the answer is going to be. It saves on all the arguing about 'clothes'...lol

I'm sorry.. Maybe its just me.. but I take offense to "washing a child's mouth out with soap" statement. I had my mouth washed out several times as a child.. and it never hurt me. I have only needed to wash my childrens' mouths out a couple of times and they got the point. They no longer have potty mouths. Imagine that!!

Thank you so much for your article. After reading each section I come to realize that I am bad to do all the above. When taking my son to daycare I have often made promises of rewards should he behave for the day and yet beret him for not doing so. Withholding rewards and allowing them truly gives your child the wrong perception in how he should behave. I am going to try the above and see how it works with my son.

seems a lot of people are missing the point. the article is saying that you shouldn't bribe when your kid is acting out just so they stop throwing a tantrum. i don't think the article is saying you can't reward your kids for great behavior. the article is saying you shouldn't reward them for normal behavior.

As a teacher I see this all the time and I even see other teachers bribing kids in their own classrooms during the day. This is a great article.

A bribe is defined as when a reward is given prior to the desired task. The examples given in this article illustrate rewards gone awry. Material rewards should be reserved for tasks that are truly challenging. Praise and non-material reinforcers (e.g., 2 extra books) are also considered rewards. And I agree with the PP - we are motivated by rewards our entire lives (e.g., paycheck, someone saying "thank you" when you hold the door for them) - that is basic behavioral science.

really good tips.

(P.S. Looks like some people here have never had a job that they loved doing just for the sake of doing it. I have had jobs that I would have done for free if I could have sustained myself otherwise. Love what you do. Do what you love. It's not all about money.)

It's okay to spontaneously reward your child from time to time after they've done something well, especially unexpectedly well. But, it's your job to teach them to do what is expected and to follow basic societal rules. This is the same reason it's not good for them to earn an allowance for doing something like cleaning their room. That's something they should be expected to do because it's nice to have a clean room. Be sure to point out natual consequences of actions, both good and bad.

I have learned to give up bribs. My children came to the conclusion that they were noting being fairly rewarded. This turned into a whole new problem. So, I have began to tell them that you get what you need, what you deserve, and what you pay for. It was a tough pill fpr two 7yr. olds and a 4 yr. old to swallow. So I have to constantly remind them in order to get their wants and needs they have to fallow the rules.

I bribe is something you give to child before they do what you ask. A reward is something you give a child after they do what you ask.

Bribing puts the reward of good behaviour outside of the child himself. He comes to expect affirmation from someone else, instead of doing something for the sake of the action itself, because it is the right thing to do, because it would benefit HIM in the end.

I don't think there's anything wrong with saying, "If you do this, you will earn that." Like mikamaurer wrote, this is what makes the world go round! If we don't perform at work we get fired, if we do well we get promoted. I don't know where this idea that offering rewards for good behavior is wrong came from?

I believe there is a time and place for everything. If you are asking your child to do something that is a lot to ask for, (ie sitting still for a long first communion service, or sitting for a family photo shoot) I feel it is completely appropriate to give a gift for good behavior. But, admittedly, I am old school and I expect my children to listen and behave well. If they don't, there are consequences. I truly believe in rewards, but not for acting how they should.

How about rewarding good behavior though! We punish when they do something bad but we should reward when they behave well.

Loved this story! Thanks!

Actually bribing is how we survive in this world. My boss bribes me to do good work by paying me a handsome salary. I doubt I would be quite as inclined to show up for work without pay!!! Our teachers bribe us every time they threaten to flunk us for not doing our work!!!! I think bribery makes the world go round!!! think about it...

Some good tips that I am going to try.