12 Parenting Principles Every Parent Should Know

Principle 1: You have to "be there" for your kids. If you're a divorced parent, and you live a thousand miles away from your child, and your only communication is a letter during the holidays, then you're not an active parent. There's only so much that can be communicated over the telephone or by e-mail. Most communication is by nonspeech ways -- body language. So, be there for your children. Be available on weekends, give rides to extracurricular activities if asked, make phone calls during the week. If you're in the process of getting a divorce or are separating, it's important to stay geographically close to your kids.

Principle 2: You have to listen to your children. Really listen. Sometimes they don't know the words to express their thoughts and feelings. They are flooded with new situations every day. They are learning to cope. Don't blow them off with a "This too shall pass" or "Have faith" or "Say a prayer" at every turn. You might not have an answer for every question, but saying "I've wondered how to handle that, too" would help your child understand that sometimes answers are difficult to come by. Offer some options. Think out loud. I've found that while I'm tossing out ideas, my children will often think of an option by themselves. Sometimes they just don't know how to "think out loud" and you can help them discover this talent.

Principle 3: You have to allow your children to make decisions. This goes, in part, with Principle 2. Ask your kids for input, then listen. Let them make the call on where to go on a Saturday afternoon. Let them make mistakes (that is, as long as safety isn't compromised, such as deciding to see how a lighted match affects a gas can). If they want to build a model car without reading the directions, let them. One of my sons when in the fourth grade surprised me by succeeding at this. It never worked for me. I always had leftover parts (darn those camshafts!).