I used to worry about the relationship we would have with the birth parents of our child. Would we want to know them? Would they want to know us? Would we want to continue a relationship with them after the baby was born? All of my questions vanished when we met them. My husband and I began to wonder if things were too "perfect" with our birth parents. As I learned more about our birth mom, I realized that she is one of those people who understand the realities of life. We didn't talk about her decision beyond the fact that she didn't feel it would be responsible to raise any more children. The fact that she made a plan is one of the things I respect most about her.
I look forward to the day I can tell Cate how strong and determined, how realistic and levelheaded her birth mother is. I also look forward to telling her about her compassionate and caring birth father. I am lucky to know these details firsthand. When Cate smiles her toothless grin, I see her birth mom. It reminds me of the loving choice she made for Cate, and how lucky I am that she chose me to be Cate's mom.
When people ask me how I can sustain a relationship with someone who "gave away her baby," I smile and try to think of a tactful way to educate their ignorance. Once our birth mom realized she was pregnant, she weighed her options and chose the harder route. I really enjoy talking with Cate's birth mom on the phone. Our conversations touch on Cate, but we talk mostly about what is going on in our lives and with our families. I don't know what our relationship will look like in a year, or five years, but I know that the more open our relationship is, the better the chances that our little girl will know about her history and feel more confident about her place in our family.
Erin Krusiewicz lives with her husband and two children in Southern California.
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