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10 Questions Not to Ask Adoptive Parents
"Who are his 'real' parents?"
"Aren't you wonderful to adopt this child?"
"How could his 'real' mother give away an adorable baby?"
"Do you know anything about his background?"
"What will you do if he searches for his 'real' mother?"
"Your kids look so different? Which one is yours?"
"It's just like having one of your own, isn't it?"
"Why was she given up for adoption?"
"How much did you pay for your baby?"
"Now that you've adopted, you'll probably get pregnant, don't you think?"
What Non-Adoptive Parents Should KnowIf you're an adoptive parent, chances are you've heard all or some of these questions. Neighbors, strangers, friends, and yes, even family, may mean well, but their remarks can really grate on adoptive families. Often, non-adoptive parents don't even realize they're asking intrusive questions.
The answers to your questions are going to be framed using these basic points about adoption:
- Adoption is permanent.
- Adoption is a legal change, involving the court.
- Adoption is another good way to create a family.
- Some aspects of adoption are private.
- Most adopted children grow up to be just fine.
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i know kids that are adopted and when these questions are asked, they don't feel confortable answering them, so i do and say that when you are curious you might not want to ask the questions straight to the person because they might be very hurtful and you might not mean it that way but that's just the way it is.
5/16/2012 09:34:37 AM Report AbuseI have to admit, in an article about adoption language etiquette, I'm surprised to see statements like "You don't have the right to know how much the parents paid for the child." That's like saying "You don't have a right to know when the husband stopped hitting his wife." The implication is that the adoptive parents _did_ pay for the child: you just shouldn't ask how much. Adoptive parents don't pay for children any more than someone who pays for the services of an obstetrician.
5/9/2012 12:58:32 PM Report AbuseI have a young brother that si NOT adopted and when im with him i get asked where he is adopted from when i say he isnt they look at me puzzled and say "oh okay then where are you adopted from?" It really hurts when people say that. Has any one heard of step families these days????
1/16/2012 08:53:09 PM Report Abuse