Get Set for School

Get Set for School

It's natural for kids to feel nervous at first in a new classroom -- and it's often even more agonizing for parents to let go. Take these steps to help your child say goodbye with a smile.

• Come and go. For a few weeks, leave your child with grandparents or a babysitter more often than usual, and show him that you'll come back when you say you will. Choose a goodbye ritual -- a secret handshake, high five, or special kiss -- and start using it now.
• Visit over the summer. When you're driving by the school, casually point it out to your child, suggests Parents adviser Kathleen McCartney, Ph.D., a professor at Harvard Graduate School of Education. And make sure to play in the school playground a couple of times this month. If your school is open before the term starts, take your child to visit her classroom, meet the teacher, and tour the building so it will seem more familiar on the first day.
• Don't overhype school. Keep the "Are you excited about starting school?" questions to a minimum. And try not to make promises about things you don't have control over, such as "You'll make lots of new friends." If your child's initial experience doesn't match his expectations, school may already seem scary, not exciting.
• Shop for supplies together. Your child will have fun picking them out, and she'll associate that positive feeling with school, Dr. McCartney says. Have a picnic in your living room, and let her practice eating out of her new lunch box.
• Find familiar faces. Get a class list, and set up a couple of playdates before school starts. Find out whether an older neighborhood kid whom your child likes will sit with him on the bus on the first day. (Also, see whether your town has practice bus rides or whether you might be able to arrange one.)
• Be positive. Your child will take her cues from you, so be calm and confident that everything will go well. Don't let her see that you're nervous or overhear you saying things like "I can't believe my baby's going to kindergarten!" Play up the fun activities she'll do at school so she knows she won't just be sitting and listening all day.
• Get a head start with art. Encourage your child to draw a picture to give the teacher on the first day. It'll be a good icebreaker, and he'll love seeing his artwork displayed right away.
• Create a first-day-of-school tradition. Make the day more exciting every year by taking a picture in the same spot, baking a special cake, or getting up early and going out for breakfast together, suggests Rhonda Martin, a mother of two in Richton Park, Illinois.
• Share your own experiences. If your child tells you she's worried about school or has butterflies in her tummy, reassure her with your own school stories ("When I started kindergarten, I was afraid too, but by the second day I'd made new friends and couldn't wait to get on the bus").
• Send a reminder of home. One way to do it: Put a snapshot of your family in a photo key chain attached to your child's backpack."I gave my son Sam a smooth, polished rock that he could keep in his pocket and rub whenever he felt anxious," says Renee Sprengeler, of Lincoln, Nebraska.
• Be on time. If you get to school late in the morning, it'll make your child feel anxious. It's equally important for you to be five minutes early for pickup (but don't let your child see you before dismissal). It's very hard for a child to be the last one left after everyone else has gone home.
• Never sneak out. When you drop your child off, help get her involved in an activity that she likes, and then say a cheerful goodbye. If she doesn't see you leave and then realizes that you've disappeared, she will probably be more apprehensive the next day.
• Learn his classmates' names. If you can say to your child, "Look, Daniel is playing in the block corner already," when you arrive in the morning, it will make school seem more familiar and safe.
• Have patience. Some children will get used to school after a day, while others take several weeks to feel at home. Keep in mind, though, that if your child starts crying when he sees you at pickup time, it probably means that he's just happy to see you -- not that he had a terrible day.

Teacher Tips

• Read The Kissing Hand, by Audrey Penn. It's sure to help put a child who's nervous about school at ease. On the first day of school, Mrs. Raccoon kisses her son's hand, and when he misses her, he holds his kissed hand to his heart.
  - Belinda Truax, Mary Blair Elementary School, Loveland, Colorado
• When you drop your child off in the morning, don't linger. It can make him more anxious. Set yourself a time limit -- say three to five minutes -- or tell your child you can only stay for a story or a puzzle.
  - Gloria Nightingale, The Cottage Road Neighborhood School, South Portland, Maine
• Ask specific questions about fun things in your child's day, such as "What did you have for snack?" or "What songs did you sing?" and use her answers to talk to her about school the next morning.
  - Carin Stone, Twin Oaks Country Day School, Freeport, New York